I found myself asking out a old high school flame and wanting to divorce my wife after 16 years of marriage and 3 kids. I dream of other women?

My wife is not unattractive. However, I crave conversation and emotional intensity in a relationship. In spite of her physical attractiveness, I am bored trying to converse with her. For many years we had no meaningful conversation at all. I am well educated professor and she has an associates degree. Should I divorce her and find a more conversant spouse or try to stick it out. I am currently not in love with her and told her this. The one thing I like is that I am familiar with her and she helps raise the kids. We had some marriage counseling.
  • Should I stay with my wife?
    Vote A
  • Should I divorce here?
    Vote B
  • Should we stay together for the children?
    Vote C
  • Should I find a discrete affair and stay with my wife?
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You knew about her education status and her personality when you're courted got engaged got married had kids... Why did you keep intensifying the relationship when she is not what you wanted? Or we're you having too much sex to notice. lol in not judging I'm just curious how this match happened when according to you it's so inappropriate.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • ... Shit. I'm the guy who posted a question about dating an emotionally detached girl (one-sided conversations, not emotionally expressive or appreciative), and reading your situation kinda hits me hard too.

    I wonder if trying to find buddies and friends would help ease you out of your loneliness. Also, spend some time doing date-y stuff with her, like climbing a mountain, visiting a foreign country, picking up new musical instruments.

    I would try to save the relationship by trying to appeal to her emotion for the kids. I'll also do it for the kids. And if she's dutiful and loyal, I'll also stick with her too, perhaps out of gratitude for raising kids and sticking with me for so long.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I'm in the same predicament. Although, I've only been married 6 years, but we have 2 kids. It's funny though, because my husband is the one with the degree. I don't have a degree, but I'm very cultured, and I educate myself--no offense, classrooms just aren't my thing. But, it is very frustrating when small talk becomes the regular talk.

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  • Stay with your wife would be best. But I believe you are unable to do that with dignity. You sound like the type that would cheat.

    So bresk up with her if she isn't enough. Try to do this without mu h argying or blaming, its bad for the kids. Explain them and try to

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  • Dude u r on wrong track. I mean put urslf in place of ir kids n think how would ur feel if ur parents get divorced? How ur wife's self respect would b hurt? Try to bring spice in ur married life. Ask ur wife to take care of herself. Both of u go on dates.. Join gym.. Start grooming... Believe once ur wife understands what u want from her, she would start tryin to b attractive:)

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  • Serves you right for choosing someone hot over someone with substance.

    Anyways, I vote for divorce (given that you are decently attractive and can find another partner).

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  • There was once love between you two, and I'm sure it's still there. Maybe go on a weekend trip with just you two and get a sitter for the kids.

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  • Good luck, with the road you want to go down. Honestly seems to me like you want to die a lonely man, no kids by your side to check in to see how your going and no life long partner. Education is some what important in compatibility, but I would be curious to know whether she chose to pertain an associates and not further her studies due to kids, finances or other reasons contrary to brains. So I don't think it fair you drag in your education level, I to have a husband who is brainless with only a high school diploma and tried to compare it to my engineering degree which makes me shut down on him. A solution is you could better focus your intellect on your kids or possibly psychological analysis of your wife as to understand her better (basically stop thinking of yourself). Then I think you can make a clearer judgement as to what you want.

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  • My ex. wrote me a letter before the breakup. I am everything... perfect, but there is no excitement or "not in love with me anymore" ... there are just more excitement out there. so he left me and kids. He also tried taking the kids, but wants his mom to care for them.

    I hope you are a better man to take care of kids and wife. Mine is still a boy.
    I should show you the letter he wrote...
    Good luck to you.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, If This Relationship isn't Working Out Then Just Simply Divorce Her, Cheating Is Never An Option, You Should Walk Away From The Relationship & Find Happiness. You've Already Took Alternate Routes When It Comes To Saving A Relationship So Its Best To Move On...

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  • You'll get nothing but hate on your question. You gotta decide what you want to do, none of them are good choices, really. For being so intelligent, I wonder why you lead off with a double negative.

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  • As I see it, you're getting bored of "the same old"
    and therefore you crave something that excites you mentally.

    How often are you two going
    out to try new things?

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  • I mostly just wanted to post this song
    www. youtube. com/watch? v=k1BFHYtZlAU

    But really, just get divorced and both of you marry someone else. You never should have married her in the first place. I keep all boring people at a serious distance.

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  • You've had marriage counseling and you think we will have better insight based on a few sentences?

    How often do you and your wife engage in new experiences together?

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  • stay with wife and use the school friend for sex and fun times

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