Why is it so difficult to end a long term relationship even when you aren't happy? It seems very hard to me but is it hard for you?

Even after all the hints that we are not compatible, his emotional cheating, everything that has happened. We broke up a lot throughout the 9 years we've been together. Why is it so hard to just walk away? I feel so dependent on him. I can't imagine life without him. I have a mental breakdown and cry endlessly thinking about breaking up with him.

Why?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The relationship ended. However, your love, emotional attachment, and emotional dependency, not to mention the imprint it has left on you, continues on until they, as well, will come to an end or drastically impact you. Thus, if you dwell, that is, constantly, you will likely perpetuate the healing process.

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    • I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean. We didn't break up we are still together. We got into a fight recently because of his emotional cheating that is now over but we are still together

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    • does that equate love? being emotionally attached/dependent on someone?

    • An attachment is binding, which can occur with or without the presence of love.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been with my guy for almost three years and recently he's been treating me like he doesn't care, taking me for granted, being a jerk and wanting more than he's putting into our relationship. People tell me I should leave and that they wouldn't put up with it but I can't leave and I just deal with it. I love him yes but I can't see myself walking away either. So I know how u feel. As girls we become really emotionally attached and we put all of ourselves into a relationship and to walk away is like losing a huge part of yourself and getting over that is gonna hurt and b extremely hard and we don't want to deal with that by choice, its human nature.

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    • we've been together since we were 17 and I always imagined we would get married. he's my first real boyfriend and i love him even though we have problems. doesn't everybody have problems? most of my friends have had short term relationships so they dont understand how I feel

    • Yes everyone has their own problems in relationships its just how u handle those problems. I may not have been with mine as long as u have but I love him a and want to marry him. He's my first serious relationship. I can understand.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, The Reason It's Hard To Break Up Is Because Your Making The Decision To Leave Him With Your Heart & Not Your Head. Set Your Emotions Aside & Think, You KNOW He isn't Right For You, You Aren't Happy, Your Also Staying In The Relationship Because You Probably Dont Wanna "Hurt" His Feelings, But You've Failed To Realize He didn't Take Your Feelings Into Consideration When He Cheated & Whatever Else. He Might Beg & Plead But Stand Firm On It, & Cut All Contact Afterward Or He Will Suck You Back In, Stay Positive...

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  • You answered this yourself.
    It's because you are dependant and can't imagine life without him. Of course it will be hard if you feel this way. Many people also feel that "something" is better than "nothing" because the thought of being alone scares them so much.

    If you've been with a person for 9 years it can feel like when you have to amputate a sick or badly damaged limb. Even if you know it's not good for you to keep it and it has to be removed it still is a painful decision to make because it's a big part of you that has to go.

    Right now you go into mental breakdown just thinking about it. I think you need to train your mind into accepting and understanding this reality if you are ever going to be able to change your life.

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    • but how do I know if I am making the right decision? we've been together since we were 17 i don't know how to move on I want to get married in the next 2 years

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    • you are right it doesn't have to be emotional maybe I need to start getting used to the idea of being single and considering it.

    • I think right now you feel you have only two options - In this relationship or completely alone and abandoned. It's doesn't have to be that harsh. Besides, if you end a relationship before the sh*t hits then fan it's more likely that you could remain friends and still have each other in your lives after the breakup.

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe you two are better of as friends than in a relationship. I understand the feeling of not being able to cut a person completely off sometimes. I usually take it that this person is better off as a friend and may be important in my life in someway even if it isn't in a bf/gf relationship. If the person isn't meant in your life at all eventually you two will stray away and hopefully on a good note. If something tells you you aren't ready to completely lose this person but aren't suitable in a bf/gf relationship just be friends.

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