7 year relationship just ended. What are my chances of getting him back?

So my ex and I met when we were 16 going on 17. We were together for almost 7 years and have a 5 yr old child together. We have been broken up for about 2 months now and it has been devastating to me. He said he was unhappy with me and our relationship was going nowhere. He was right, it wasn't. I was depressed for a long time, I didn't cook, clean, go to school, work, drive. I basically loaded everything onto him and became co-dependent and we had a very dysfunctional relationship. Before he decided to leave me, he was taking SSRI drugs for anxiety,, which made him detach very quickly. He was very cold and unfeeling and didn't want to work it out. He gets off medication next month. So now I'm thinking once he gets off medication and becomes normal (mentally) his emotions might start coming back and he might start missing me. I took it as a huge wake-up call. I've lost 15 pounds, going to the gym, back to school and started driving. I'm also looking for jobs. I'm trying to be as proactive and positive as I can be, for myself, but also because I still love him and I hope that he is noticing the changes I'm making. I desperately want to get him back. But first I'm trying to become an independent woman to show him (and myself most importantly) that if we were to ever get back together, it would be because I want his company and do not NEED him to do everything for me. I'm just honestly terrified that he will find someone else or start having lots of promiscuous sex now that he got out of such a long LTR. I'm not ignorant and I know he probably will. I want him to fall back into love with me, because we ARE soulmates. I think he just got so fed up with everything that he decided it wasn't worth anymore trouble. Do you think re-inventing myself completely might make him fall in love with me again? I'm not doing it for him (completely) bt more for myself. I am feeling better, and feel like I have control of my own life now, and am feeling bettr

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I am not going to tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.
    The relationship that was is over. It will never return. Don't hang onto it any longer. You were young, and most of those relationships do not last. Its time to mourn its loss, heal and move on.
    You two will always be a part of each other because of your child, but don't be miserable trying to make it work.
    You both have some maturing to do. Let the changes happen. Embrace them, for you and your child, not anyone else.
    Your changes have to be for you. They are a good start. Stop hanging on. He is moving on, I suggest you do the same or you will be a miserable doormat.
    Your situation added to his condition and need for medication, getting back together will only bring it back. Find your own happiness. Don't make him be the key to that happiness, it lies in you, not him.
    This is the time to learn who you are and what you need and want for happiness. You have a child to consider too. Remember, what you do and how you let yourself be treated effects them and helps determine how they allow themselves to be treated and treat others.
    Let him go do his thing and you do yours. Soulmate is a nice term too easily thrown around. You had a connection. Its gone. Remember it fondly, but don't hang onto it.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I guess my question does come off as desperate, but that's not how I'm letting him see me.
      I do not call or text him nymore, and when we do speak it is cordially about our child. He's still extremely involved in our child's life, and spends a lot of time with her as much as possible. Even though he isn't with me..
      I feel like all my changes have been positive and progressive, and I'm doing my best to put it out there, but not telling him directly. I can TOTALLY rationalize his fear of getting back together and thinking he'll be taking 3 steps back. That's why I'm trying to show I am changed and growing more independent.
      I agree also that our old relationship is dead. For that I'm sad but also glad, because it was unhealthy and we were way too young and unstable. That's why I have hope for beginning a new healthy relationship, as 2 independent adults, not just horny teenagers. He still hasn't even changed his relationship status on FB or erased our pix

    • If you want to show him you are growing up, changing and moving on then do just that. Don't worry about him anymore than him being the father of your daughter. Don't worry about the social media stuff. I would say go out and meet people, but since you have not mourned the loss of your relationship and let yourself heal, you aren't ready for a new relationship.
      I can't stress to you enough to let him go. You two will have a relationship because of your daughter forever. Let him move on and let yourself. You both were young when you met, you still are. Let yourselves experience life and change. That is what growing up and maturing is all about.
      It sounds like you have some good beginnings of getting there, but until you let him go as a partner, you won't reach the goal of happiness. Your happiness is the key here. When you see him treat him like you would any friend, but nothing more.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's worth a shot and I think you're on the right path. Regardless of what happens that is not in your control. What is in your control is what you make of your life for you and your child.
    He has to want it for it to happen and only he knows that. So you need to just talk to him and lay it all out. To be honest he might want to have some freedom before he comes around. That's something you need to ask yourself, whether or not you can deal with that.

    I'm NOT condoning sleeping around but reality is you both got together very young. You already have a child together, and add the stress from all of that. You both weren't even really grown emotionally. Your both at the age where you're starting to know yourself and what you want for yourself.

    So your choice is to continue to better your life and choose how patient you are with him. Choose how long you want to work it out. Weigh it all out and remember that only so much an come from your part. He has to want it and act on it too. Regardless of what happens you have turned over a new leaf and you will be okay and happier in time.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

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What Guys Said 4

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, If You Wanna Get Him You Can't Beg & Plead, He Knows You Want Him Back, Let Him Come Back To You, Dont Just Wait For Him Tho, Live Your Life & Focus On Your Child, If He Comes Back Then Work It Out, If Not, Move On...

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  • Definitely on the right path with getting your independence back thumbs up to that. Have you stayed in contact with him? Thats gonna play a big factor in having a chance. Coming from a guys point of view reading what you have told if you did'nt keep in touch he may have already moved on. Would love a update and good luck !!

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    • I have kept in touch but only minimally, when speaking about our child. He was very cold after the breakup and I was very hurt and irrational. Now 2 months later its easier for me. I'm not crying anymore, though I still miss him. I have been back on FB for a few weeks now and he has too, and he hasn't chnged his relationship status or deleted any of our photos together. I feel a little glad at least that he's not trying to completely erase me from his life. We're actually going to take our daughter to the zoo together on Monday and I'm really nervous. I don't know how to act or how to react to him. I'm just going to be as positive as I can.

  • Give him a reason to stay. Besides he's still wearing the smile u gave him.

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  • I honestly hope for the best with this, you seem confident you'll get him back and I hope you do. When it comes down to it I believe the odds are in your favor. Although, I don't know the complete situation and both point of views I can definitely tell you've gained a lot of confidence. Not only that, you're proving to yourself as a women that you can be independent and have taken a lot action in such a short duration of time. That shows your ambition

    Although it may not mean anything just wanted to say. much respect.

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