Does he really mean it? And how do I fix it if he does?

6 weeks ago, my boyfriend and I split up after a small disagreement. He has a bit of a drinking problem and he has zero self esteem. I was trying to help him through it, but he said he realized he doesn't have the ability to quit drinking and that my daughter and I deserve better. Since the breakup, he has contacted me a few times and every time he has said that he regrets his decision but he knows it's what is best for me... I would take him back in a heartbeat because I love him and he knows this...
Last week, he sent me a text saying "You have a hell of a future but it's not with a lowlife like me".
I don't know how to fix this... how to make him stop feeling this way... or if he's feeding me bs to keep me from being hurt (its not working if that's the case). I would assume he just would quit talking to me if he truly didn't regret it? Granted we'll get into conversations and he'll just stop talking completely... but he always messages me a few days later...
Another ex who is trying to get me to take him back (won't ever happen) told me last night that I am "intimidating" to date because I do everything a woman is supposed to do and men these days don't know how to handle it... Not sure if that's legitimate or relevant...
Help?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • maybe you are better off! you can't fix his drinking problem he has to deal with it in his own way when he is ready! most of the time they have to hit rock bottom and loose everything before they will figure out that they screwed up! best thing you can do for him is move on and enjoy your life with your daughter. as for your other ex there is a reason why he is gone I wouldn't be taking advise from him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He is Right in One aspect----Your daughter and You deserve better. He has admitted he has 'A bit of a drinking problem,' and as long as you Enable him, Even if it is to Continue to Hold his hand as he whines, the problem at hand won't disappear-------As long he won't Go and seek Professional help. I know all about this, my sister has been 'A bit of a drinker' since 13 years old, and the man she is married to now, pacifies her and satisfies her every whim, every wish, just so he doesn't have to deal with her 'Rough rude' Rottenness.
    The Best thing you can do for him is Encourage him to go seek help, but I feel he is a poor example in front of your daughter, along with an anchor on your leg that will only weigh you down.
    Yes, he knows 'You love him,' that's Why he is playing on your pity wagon right now. And if he truly cared even One iota for you and your daughter, he would go and get the help he needs.
    Your 'EX' is right about that----You're too good for today's man who-------Doesn't know how to handle a girl who has so much to give, getting nothing much in return. Most likely why This one is an 'EX' that somehow didn't get 'Any more chances' to Mark his spot.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you... and I know he is not the best of examples. It's really weird, alcohol doesn't change his personality or ability to walk, talk, etc. (Doesn't make it ok, I know!!) And he is TRULY a good person with an amazing heart... just a problem that he doesn't know how to fix. I don't think he necessarily knows how to find help and he feels like he's not worth it and no one cares enough to help him.. he has even gone as far to say that he's too far down the toilet for anyone to help. I feel like if he is alone all the time, his drinking will only get worse and he pushes everyone who wants to help him away, me included.

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    • It's a big time downer...
      And when we first broke up, he said "Maybe some day I'll get my shit together and make it up to you." I told him that as long as he uses "maybe" and "someday" that its never going to happen... and for a week, he said he tried to quit drinking and couldn't physically do it... That it was physically painful and he didn't know how to get through that... That he wants to quit because he realized he was losing me and my daughter but he physically couldn't handle it. I don't know how to fix that... it just made him feel like more of a failure and made things worse between us... not because anything on my end, but thats when the "You deserve better." Stuff started. I know he needs professional help, but I don't know how to get that for him.

    • This shows me he Does need help... My sister has been on and off the wagon for years with drinking... Every time she feels she has a purpose again in her life, that things are good, she stops Most of the drinking, loses weight, etc... But then when it goes back to her being in a rut again, staying home (She doesn't need to work but loves to) she starts in again and it's Back to the drawing board... These people don't have any self esteem, it's true, but rather drown their sorrows, allow us to enable them, and attach themselves to our caboose. Unless he consents or Something happens where he has no choice But to Have to get the help, then it's a lost case. I say: Start with tough love. You have tried it but he uses the excuse he can't do it, because he is hooked on booze and it has consumed his life now. If he comes back, nothing will change. But Continued Tough love is what he needs if he cares enough about you And----Himself, which as far as Himself goes, he doesn't.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, Set Your Emotions Aside, Start Thinking With Your Head & Not Your Heart & Realize This Relationship Is Not Worth It, Jasmine Sullivan Said It Best "Just Cause iLove You & You Love Me It Doesn't Mean That We're Meant To Be." Walk Away From This, He Is An Alcoholic & You Dont Need That In Your Life Or The Child. Stay Strong & Stay Positive...

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What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds to me like he just doesn't want a relationship right now

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