Is it a good idea to rehash old scars with an ex boyfriend?

We broke up five months ago and haven't talked since; however we ran into each other accidentally last week and it brought back some memories so I wrote him an email just to say some nice things. He wrote back and told me how he'd been hurting and how he still loves me and that he's damn angry that he felt as though I dumped him and exited the scene as my love for him was "conditional." It was a long email and seemed like an opportunity for him to express all his feelings and anger from the past five months, which is fine, but I don't really agree with a lot of the things he said and I think they're unfair to me.

I almost wrote back a long email too clarifying my stance and how we're on different pages about the reasons we broke up. There's actually something that was just as damaging in my perspective that he's not aware of, and I wanted to tell him since we're over anyway. I don't know if that'd be a good idea, though, since the thing is about how he was hurting me in a way he didn't know, so I don't know how he'd react if I just break the news to him now, with an email full of anger. A part of me also wonders, what's the point anyway now that we're not together anymore.

I guess I just hate knowing someone going on thinking I was at fault while as a matter of fact I wasn't. I also know he's probably relating the same feeling to his friends too so that everyone around him knows how "bad" of a person I am. It just seems unfair to me if I didn't offer a rebuttal for his points and let him realize there's something else he didn't know about.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like the reason your relationship didn't work out is neither of you REALLY talked with each other. You can't say he's wrong to feel the way he does, because that'she how he feels (whether you like it or not). As for your own feelings & reasons, honestly, why not tell him? He opened that door.

    And if he was hurting you unknowningly, he needs to know, for no other reason then for him to realize he's doing it & correct it. The relationship is over, but it doesn't mean you both can't learn from it while moving on.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, How About Not Emaling Him Again, Just Leave Him & The Situation Alone (Unless Your Tryna Get Back With Him.) Just Pretend You didn't Run Into Him & Go Back To Living Your Life, If You See Him, Possibly Speak To Him & Keep It Moving...

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  • I agree that it sounds like there was some lack of communication in there. It's a good idea to clarify why this happened with each other, whether or not you agree with his feelings. Just because you are broken up doesn't mean you guys can't give each other closure. I've been in this situation before, there is no reason to be left wondering why and this will make both of you better about things, if you choose to communicate. I hope this helps.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Closure is good. Sometimes it takes years or never to find it. It's good when you get it before starting a new relationship because then all parties know where they stand.
    It seems he wants you back. Question is, do you?

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