Did I miss my chance entirely?

I've been talking to a guy digitally for about a year now. The fact that we were attracted to each other became an undertone knowledge that wasn't said but felt. Later on in the year he told me how he felt. I told him I felt the same way but wasn't ready partly because we lived in different states and never had met in person. He said he understood. Later on, we planned on him coming to visit me. He randomly said "I love you" and tried to cover it by saying "I mean... as a friend of course" but he had never said this before. And all of a sudden, he began to get angry over little things and me pushing him away when ever his comments would get too sexually charged. After we cleared the air, he randomly tells me "Oh yeah, I have a girlfriend". When I tried to explain why I was upset with hearing this news he said "See? You don't see me as 'just a friend'" .. This of course felt like salt in the wound. So, now he has a girlfriend. I feel awful because I still love him, feel for him and I missed my chance. But really, was it my fault for losing that chance?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, You Dodged A Bullet, This Guy Is Full Of Random Emotions & You Dont Need That In Your Life, He Has A Girlfriend iStrongly Suggest Moving On & Finding Somebody Else That Will Treat You Better...


Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn't sound like it was your fault at all.
    It sounds like he liked where things were going, and let slip something he didn't mean to and then panicked. He may or may not actually have a girlfriend, but even if, or rather especially if he does, I would not try to date him or wait for that to end or anything.
    I would work on moving past him. Not getting over, as he will surely always be important to you, but just moving forward without him. Would you really want someone who, while in a relationship (we're assuming it's true), messages some other girl, who he has admitted to loving, and tries to prove that she cares for him?
    If he's not in a relationship, he lied to push you in to saying that you care about him.
    If he is in a relationship, he used his girlfriend to make you jealous, which he would only do if he still wanted something from you, which would completely screw over the girl he's dating.

    I hope that helps a bit hun~

    Good luck! : )

    • Wow, your thoughtfulness you put in this answer made me tear up. Thank-you x100! I appreciate you so much. I am definitely pondering on all this you have said. Just some updates on him: He doesn't really message me... but he did say "I do want you to find a better man than I am... and hopefully, we can still be friends and I can witness that!" So he still tries to be my friend. But for example: the other day, I deactivated my Facebook and he texts me right after "Wow, real mature" and when i asked "what" he said "You know what..." and hasn't talked to me since... so I'm not sure what i did there...

    • Show All
    • From the sounds of it, it is the Facebook thing. He is simply being immature and taking it personally.

      Will you be posting it just to get a rise out of him? If that's why you want to post it, then don't. It's a bad idea and will come back to bite you in the ass.
      If you feel that it will be helpful to your possible dancing career, or whatever you wish to do with you dancing, and that it would be really good to get some feedback on it from lots of people, then post it.
      He will message or text you about it, but if it's any angry text/message or anything along the lines of 'are you trying to tell me something', simply tell him 'I realize what this song is, and I'm sorry if it bothers you or gives you the wrong impression. However, I've been working extremely hard on this choreography, and have been doing this particular song for a while. I wasn't going to just abandon all my work because things between us got uncomfortable. I really hope you can appreciate this for the quality of d

    • *quality of my dancing, and for the amount of effort that went in to this. If you can not, I ask that you please don't say anything about it at all.'

      Hopefully, he still respects you enough to listen to that. : )

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like you're dealing with a guy who is not very experienced with girls. When he said I love you, he meant it but wasn't sure if you felt the same way. So he tried covering it up and then things got awkward. When he made his advances you were surprised and he took it as though you did not want him. So he tried saving face and said that he was dating someone. Was he? Not sure. I'd clear things up with him before making a decision.

    • He is dating a lady. She's quite lovely. I am happy for him because he is happy. But... i'm still not sure why he was so rude

  • what a dick


What Girls Said 1

  • I believe that being you both 'Lived in different states,' that by You telling him all of this, he may have gotten a sour ball in his mouth. But after awhile, he may have even had more chance to think about what you said, and now, he may have believed in his heart----You were right.
    LDL is one of the hardest relationships to have of any of them. It takes a lot of time and effort and patience on each partner's parts, and nothing is ever a guarantee. I, for one, know this probably better than anyone... I have a husband out in Egypt, 'millions' of miles away from me...
    And now he has this 'Girlfriend,' for with all the redrick with it all, and you both haven't even 'Met' face to face, he decided to settle on someone closer to home. So he implied 'friend of course.'
    I am Not going to put any blame on you, because you saw it for what it was at the moment. However, perhaps in time, there may have come a time, and even maybe now it Did come----That the distance was too much and the timing not right. And he most likely didn't like hearing the 'truth,' let's say of "Lived in different states and haven't met in person." Maybe he felt it was an insult... Some guys can be touchy when you don't know them well enough to know what to say.
    Move on, sweetie, don't let it get you down. You will finds someone who is closer to your heart And----Closer to home.
    Good luck. xx


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