Do you believe in once a cheater always a cheater or do you think people deserve a second chance?

The question says all I have to ask.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As a non-monogamous person who often gets trapped into monogamous relationships.

    I don't believe that there is an excuse for cheating. In the era that we live in sex is available to most of us with no commitment. Thus its pretty shitty/unnecessary to cheat on someone who wants monogamy. Especially when you take into account all of the men/women who DON'T want monogamy, commitment, and/or exclusive relationships.

    There are so many hot/horny/eager men and women out here waiting for sex and tomfoolery. Of all levels of attractiveness, education, ability, and wealth.

    So for someone to cheat IMO, they have to be an extremely damaged, selfish, and/or just completely careless person. Cheating is a VERY big mistake to happen, at some point when the clothes of off, after the discrete location is ventured too, and the genitals engage, at what point in time are you thinking about the person you made a commitment too?

    When I knew I no longer wanted to be monogamous in a relationship, I simply ended the relationship.

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    • Thanks for you reply, I like it. It is pretty shitty to cheat on someone. You are better to say something like look this is not working out and then go your separate ways than cheat. I do not think I could ever trust or forgive a woman that cheated on me, that is why I would never cheat on a woman. I also heard that there is an increase of women cheating these days. "There are so many hot/horny/eager men and women out here waiting for sex and tomfoolery. Of all levels of attractiveness, education, ability, and wealth." I agree with the entirely. I think I heard there is an increase in women cheating these days to. I think it is not acceptable for a man or a woman to cheat. Well at the time the genitals engage you are not thinking about the person you made a commitment to, I know you know this tho. :) I am pleased you ended the relationship when you no longer wanted to be monogamous. I want to be monogamous in a relationship because I have morals and it sounds like you do to.

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    • yeah that is pretty damn cold.

    • I can't remember what she said now, she was like we can still be friends I think but I never got in con act with her again.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Second chances yes, but not always. Case by case scenario here.

    These are just a few of the questions I think people (or at least I) would ask themselves:

    Who's is the women to you, who are you to her?
    How long have the two of you been in a committed relationship for?
    Who'd she/he cheat with? - You're best friend, then nope.
    How many times?
    How long?
    Did they do extracurricular activities together or was it just sex? - This matters.
    Were we coming undone before/during?

    If I knew it was just once, with one guy that I don't know, and we were in love, then yes I would give it one more shot. People make mistakes everyday. It is only human to do so. You never know what someone is capable of until they're faced with it. So, maybe some people are never faced with the opportunity to cheat, maybe others are and succumb to the temptation only once. And yet further still, maybe others not only succumb, but rather look for the temptation. I think there are varying degrees of the infamous "cheater."

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What Girls Said 13

  • Given second and third chances to guys in my past- moral of the story is cheaters (in my experience) do not change. Have definitely learned my lesson when it comes to taking them back.

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    • Yeah I do not blame you. I have also heard it appears there is rise in women cheating these days to. I just do not know why people feel that it is acceptable.

  • I am friends with a cheater (funny right?) but I honestly do not think they can change. He tells me he has changed but I just feel like he will cheat on his next girlfriend. I would never date him myself out of fear he would cheat on me, the worst part is that he has shown interest in me :(

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  • Depends whether it was a one time deal and she was drunk or otherwise not herself, or whether she is a serial (multiple times) cheater. Serial cheater will never be faithful. Either way once the trust is broken, it is extremely hard to get over that and make it work.

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  • In my experience once a cheater is always a cheater when a person cheats and you forgive them the tend to think I can do it again and be more careful not to get caught I don't have time to or energy to be worried if it will happen again I have been through it before its no use.

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    • Yeah I can understand that. I think I would be like torn between the two decisions to be honest.

  • A cheater is a cheater for whatever reason. And I learned that if they do it once they'll do it again. I believe that some people deserve a second chance but not the same mistakes.

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  • It' is SO hard to get pass being cheated on, but I would give a second chance if I felt like he can and will grow from his mistake... I'd want a second chance if I cheated.

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    • Yeah I think I would find it hard if a girl cheated on me but at least if you give them another chance people can't say well you would have thought "he/she would have given him another chance" and you also know in your own mind well I tried by best and it was not meant to be.

  • Here is what I think: People can change BUT they do it over time... they don't change overnight.

    So if a guy cheats on you, it is not very likely that he is going to stop just because he got caught so that he can continue dating you. However, if he gets caught, the girl dumps him, they don't see each other for a pretty substantial amount of time and they meet again later in life as adults, perhaps there is a chance if they can both forgive each other, but even then they are taking a risk... but I guess anyone who gets into a relationship is doing that, now aren't they?

    So if this was only a year or two ago... I would still stay clear. When I say "over time" I mean like if you were in high school then and you met after college... you would have to use your instincts to tell if he has changed or not.

    "Don't cheat" isn't like "don't touch the fire." It is not a lesson that's learned after one time.

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    • Yeah I think everything you saying about cheating is true but I think it goes for both men and women. I think women that cheat will not stop as well. There is plenty of men that cheat I know and that is probably growing but I think I heard somewhere the number of women cheating is also on the rise.

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    • Huh well you can't blame me for thinking you are mad. You sure sounded like it. I actually think the same thing about you. I would not want to know you in real life! so you are very lucky you do not know me either. Hahahaha Your original message is one sided if you want to admit it or not!!! I am pleased I do not know you if you behave like this!!! You need to learn how to talk to people everyone else who has answered this has managed to do it probably. smh. sighs...

    • and just so you know I wrote that message the same as yours because I adapt my style of messaging depending on who I am talking to, the situation and their age. I am very thoughtful like that. I personally think it is rather weird that it "lights flames of fury" for you. Just such a minor thing causing so much anger for you is ridiculous lol. You started this not me! So don't try to blame me. Smh.

  • I give people second chances some times, but usually my trust is so broken that it doesn't end up working out

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    • Yeah I think that would be very likely to happen if I gave someone a second chance.

  • I think once a cheater the temptation may always be there. BUT, I do believe in second chances if you can get passed it.

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  • A cheater is always a cheater
    Other matters, i may give second chance but the moment i am being cheated on, it is gone

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  • There are always exceptions, because nothing in life is black and white, but here's what I think... once a cheater, always a cheater, within the context of that specific relationship. If you were unhappy enough to cheat once, there is something in that relationship that is lacking that caused that illicit behavior. I also think context of the cheating is important. Was it a drunken, stupid one night stand thing with a stranger or was it a long, emotionally involved affair with lots of lies, sneaking around and deception? If it was a drunken, one-off thing it is much more likely that the wandering partner didn't mean it, it was a mistake, and doesn't reflect on their opinion of their spouse/partner negatively.

    tldr; In most instances, I believe if you have the predisposition to justify cheating once, it will happen again.

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    • You raise some good points there :) I do feel I would find it very hard to forgive someone who cheated on me that is why I would not do it to anyone. I am also leaning towards the once a cheater always a cheater thought myself but it does depend on the situation a bit.

  • No. Cheaters don't change.

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  • I do think that, to a degree.
    I don't see myself ever giving a cheater a second chance.
    Why would I?
    Why would he deserve that?
    I don't ask for much in a relationship, but I do ask that you're faithful to me if you promise to be.
    You can't even do that, there's no point in staying with me.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm Going To Give You My Unlicensed Professional Opinion, iBelieve If You Give Them Another Chance That They Will Know If You Took Them Back That They Can Do It Again, Some People Take Other People For Granted & Use Them Like A Doormat, iWould Never Give A Cheater A Second Chance...

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