Just broke up with my bf of 2 years? Did I do the right thing? (Bit of a vent session sorry!)?

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We haven't had sex in over a year and the last time we really made out was also over a year. The reason it stopped in the first place was because we had a fight one morning where I was just messing around (flirting/layaing on him) and he got mad and said "if we aren't having sex get off me". Needless to say, hearing that really hurt and made me feel like this guy I trusted completely just wanted sex from me. Ever since then things just went down hill. I just stopped wanted to have sex or anything super intimate with him. It was starting to get a little better but breaks from college (and him since I got to an out of state college) made it hard, and we would have to restart working up back to that intimate stage because it was always awkward to come back after 3 months of just talking or not having him around. There were a few times that we tried but I wasn't aroused enough and it hurt so bad I had to make him stop.

So fast forward to now, where we barely talked over the summer because of multiple reasons (he was with friends and couldn't talk/I was with friends/he was working/I was working). And I felt like whatever good thing we had starting out had died, and it wasn't right for us to keep being labeled as girlfriend boyfriend, and he was frustrated and I was frustrated.

So I broke up with him last night while we sitting outside after we took a short walk. I asked him what happened to us. And how I felt our relationship wasn't a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship anymore. That what I first felt for him had died. He just stared out, and walked away. I wanted to be clear so I said "are we broken up?" and he said "if that's what you want" and I said "yes" and he starred at me like he hated me and walked away.

I just need to know that I did the right thing for both of us. And that I didn't give up something amazing, that could have been fixed. How do you get over losing your best friend forever?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, you did the right thing now. I mean, you were very unhappy in this relationship - if you can call it that. Did he ever apologize or explain why he said that you? Something like that always hurts like a bitch, but if you're in a good relationship where you can talk to each other, it can be fixed. He might've just been in a really foul mood, but I suppose you didn't really talk about it afterwards?

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    • He did explain it, and really he was just frustrated because we didn't do the night before when he wanted to and he was bad mood. I actually almost broke up with him that day, but he followed me around until we talked about it. Something in me just snapped when he said it though. I didn't want him touching or kissing me after that. Eventually things got sorta back to normal. I'm kinda a person who is very quick to trust, but very very slow to regain trust. Like so slow almost impossible. Like everyone else in the world, i've got some baggage. And something hurtful like that, for me its hard to come back from.

    • Well, then, you just said it yourself: You don't want to be touched by him and you don't trust him. You are right, sometimes even talking doesn't help. Depending on the individuals involved, some things can't be explained. Maybe for you this is something your partner should never ever say, no matter in what mood he is. And he should have known, after, wha, t almost a year together?

    • Yeah.. it was about half a year to almost a year in when he said that. At the time I told him that it really hurt me what he said and that I would need to build the intimacy back up because of what he said. I just think it was combination of that and frustration in both of our parts because I was his first and he didn't quite get how everything works and I tried to help him but it wasn't working. So even when we built back most of it I just didn't want to get put in that frustrating situation again and be hurt again.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You did the right thing. You tried to revive a dying relationship for a full year and it just wasn't working.
    You need to stay broken up, getting back together won't fix things.

    As far as how to deal with it, stay busy and keep around friends. Time heals all.

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  • Wow I can relate to your break up story. I broke up with one of my ex gf's because of this too. I am still a virgin, and never wanted to have or try having sex. She's got mad at me because of my views about sex. I just wanted to keep it until I get married. There were many days she tried to have sex with me with so many different ways, and I just couldnt do it. She was unhappy the whole time with me, so I decided to call it quits. I tortured her enough. I know I did the right thing.

    And yes, you did the right thing too. :)

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