My boyfriend broke up with ME. then talked to me again when he found out I hooked up with someone else and said he could never take ME back?

my boyfriend broke up with me months ago. we got in a huge fight and he was the one who decided to end it. I was really torn up about it.. and I still am, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit around moping about it feeling sorry for myself. I hooked up with a friend of mine one night (we had sex). my ex found out, called me saying he wanted to get back together but "couldn't ever do that to himself" after knowing that I had been with someone else.

does this make any sense to you at all? to me it just sounds extremely jealous, controlling, possessive, insecure, and down right unfair. After we broke up we didn't speak for over 2 months. he told me we were done and that he was breaking up with me. it was a pretty clear break up. so it's not like I cheated on him or anything like that. I would never do that.

I wasn't even interested in the guy I hooked up with, he is a friend of mine and it just kind of happened. there are no romantic feelings there or even the potential for us to become involved with each other romantically or sexually ever again. it was a one time thing.

so why is my ex acting this way? it just seems crazy to me.

thanks for any advice.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know why he broke up with you and this situation reminds me of a situation between me and my girl or should I say my ex. She dumped me told me she couldn't be with me and everything and she was really mean and hurt me. I tried everything to get her to talk to me but she ignored me then after two months I just gave up. I still loved her but I somehow started to have fun and even went on a few dates. Once I even meat her and her ex on a date with a really nice girl and it was so apparent that she wasn't happy. Anyway she kept seeing photos on fb of me at parties or something and on a lot of them I was hanging out with a girl that were really good friends years ago lost touch and just recently got back in touch and it was fun. Of course she thought there was something going on and got jealous. A few weeks later she came back and told me she couldn't be without me and that she wanted to give us another try. After a week she found excuses most of all attributed to me to dump me again and she did very badly and she hurt me a lot again even more than the first time. I've got no idea why she got scared again or why she's torn between me and the rest of her life but she got jealous again a month after when she saw pictures of me and a bunch of girls hanging out and deleted me of fb. I know she loved me but I also know she's got problems and her behavior tells me that her heart is telling her she wants to be with me but her head is giving her a bunch of bs reason why not to because she's afraid. When she gets jealous enough and can't deal with it anymore she comes back or at least has problems and wants to come back.
    I think it's the same with your boyfriend. He's got some conflicts within him that are making him act all weird and when he heard you hooked up with someone else his emotions burst out.
    I'd say if you have feelings for this guy give him some time and try getting back together.
    Good luck to you both. :)

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    • I definitely do have feelings for him. I love him. I feel slutty for hooking up with someone who I don't even have feelings for but things happened and it was a mistake. But I have no way of contacting my ex. He's cut off all ties of communication between the two of us. So I'm not sure where to go from here...

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    • Because we're all people and we do things that aren't exactly rational at times. I don't know why he was ignoring you. But somehow when he found out about what happened is his emotions told him he actually made a mistake by not talking to you so he did. But the problem is his emotions got him jealous and his brain took over and complicated things all over again. People like this get driven by emotion and held back by their heads witch is extremely bad because they're never happy because they're always conflicted internally. The girl I love is exactly the same. But one thing they fail to grasp is that by shutting us out they're making it hard for themselves because they don't really want to do that and by acting like they are they're still showing that they care. Because if you don't care you do nothing you just don't care.

    • Me and this girl I was with haven't seen each other in months because I've stayed away also and so has she. But I've seen her pass a few places that I knew she knows I'm there.
      My advice would be just write to him or find him and talk to him. Do something out of your character that he can't predict because when his head is confused only his heart can react. Yes it can still backfire. I had a black eye once with this girl because of it. Once I kissed her out of the blue and she responded but the next time she tried punching me out and got a couple of really good shots before she stopped. The next time it worked again. So my advice try finding him and getting him to talk. I don't know I once thought that with people like this you have to get them really pissed of so that they become emotional so that they break before you can talk. But you know him so you'd know best. :)

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What Guys Said 11

  • Once your broken up the gloves are off and you are free to do whatever you what with whoever you want. He has no right to force you to be alone when he doesn't want you. However if he doesn't want to try to get back with you because you slept with someone else that's his choice, but why do you care your broken up with him don't worry about what he thinks brush the dirt off your shoulder and go about your life.

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    • I understand that it's his choice but it just doesn't seem fair to me. Almost like he wanted to come back just to hurt me a little bit more, or make me feel guilty for what I did even though I didn't do anything wrong. It just seems unecessary, childish and controlling on his end.

  • "To me it just sounds extremely jealous, controlling, possessive, insecure, and down right unfair." BINGO! You're exactly right. Stay away from him and move on.

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  • Meh.

    It sounds like you all are in one, giant mental cluster fuck of a storm.

    I wouldn't bother with either of you to be honest.

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    • I wouldn't bother with you either thanks!

  • What seems crazy is that you debated getting back together with him.
    And that you have sex with others with "no romantic feelings and it just kind of happened".
    Dat self-control and responsibility, the real question is whether you really just don't attribute much value to sexuality, or if you're just deceiving yourself.

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    • you've never been drunk before and had a one night stand? or had a one night stand in general? don't sit here judging. that's not what I asked for. but thanks for your opinion.

  • I know a term for this kind of situation that goes as following "kicking a person in the stomach after he/she was pushed over onto the floor", basically giving you a bad feeling and make himself feel better than you.
    That guy is just sad.

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    • exactly, it's like he wanted to come back just to hurt me again and make me feel even worse. he said it was too soon for me to be with someone else and that it wasn't "loyal" of me. but that just doesn't seem fair or make much sense to me since he is the one who broke up with me...

    • He has nothing to say about what you can do or not, he broke up with you so he has nothing to do with you anymore.
      You're free from him and restrictions that goes with a good relationship so have fun and act like the free single you were before and go wild while he mocks while sitting near the wall watching you party wild on the dancefloor.
      Have fun and enjoy life the way you want to to enjoy it.

  • Natural rookie reaction, he just really cares/cared still. And I guess he still believes in women only being interested in people they are going to marry/really love. Like I used to.

    He was thinking along the lines of: so you guys break up and instead of trying to show him you care, you show someone else you care.

    Have you never experienced these feelings yourself when you broke up someone?

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    • I did try to show him I cared for a month and a half... he never acknowledged it. he never answered any of my phone calls or texts. so I gave up. he only came around once he heard from people that I had hooked up with someone else... because people love to talk. he said he had missed me so much and wanted to be with me again and thought about it every day but then he couldn't since I had been with someone else. he only came around once he KNEW I had been with someone else. prior to that, he never acknowledged any of my attempts to contact him or show him I cared...

    • If you already tried to 'get him back' then I think he just wants what he can't have I think.

  • It's hard to say, because there are different possible variables. However, you're in the right as you two are no longer together. If you had the intention of getting back with him in the future. Then yes, you are in the wrong. If not, then you're completely fine, and you basically just sealed the deal of never getting back together.

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    • he broke up with me and we didn't speak for a couple months but I had been trying to contact him to show him that I wanted to work on this and fix things and he ignored every one of my attempts to contact him. he did that for almost two months. he never once picked up my phone calls or answered my text messages. I was really torn up about it for a long time and then finally I said I wasn't going to mope around anymore and I tried to move on. I did something completely out of character for me and slept with someone else and he only contacted me after he found that out. he said he had thought about things and really missed me and wanted to be together but since he knew I had been with someone else he couldn't do that to himself. those were his words. it just doesn't seem fair to me. I tried to get him back for months. does this seem fair to you?

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    • No, you did nothing wrong. It's like your boss getting in trouble for drinking after work instead of during. It makes absolutely no sense in the regard. Others will contradict my statement, but in the reality of it all. You waited over a month, you attempted to reach out, and you waited more than long enough for it to be justified. You mustn't beat yourself over this. A wrongful guilty conscience at this point in time won't do you any good.

    • thank you :)

  • That's completely normal he will consider as cheating cuz he still thought you ae his and can't belive you could do that

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    • that doesn't make any sense. if he tells me were done and he wants to break up then why should I believe anything different? especially when he ignored my many attempts to contact him after. that's bullshit.

    • it is but feelings are not turn on/off button. His mind said somnething but his heart still has a lot
      if you still like him then maybe it worth try

  • Thank God he broke up with you.

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    • lol you're a loser.

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    • If you want to know why then once again read xxxyyyman's comment.

    • this must explain why you're single because normal people do not act or think the way in which he did.

  • if you did get back with your ex he would always throw that up to you

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  • Well, he's under the impression that he was the one that got away for you.

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    • what do you mean exactly?

What Girls Said 3

  • I always find that many times after a break up, when there is No make up, that even though Apart, the Other Ex Partner is still----------Jealous, controlling, possessive, insecure, and downright Unfair. You're right, sweetie. Except One important point you left out, may I intrude here? TERRITORIAL. Just like some tom cat with his claws Extended. Man, that takes balls, doesn't it?
    You have hit the nail on the head with this ol alley cat. And by you going out 'hunting,' let's say, not 'Going to sit around moping about it feeling sorry for yourself,' it caused a pet peeve with him, and even got his egotistical Goat----- knowing that I had been with someone else. Suck it up, buddy, I say.
    I know from experience that some guys get 'crazy' after a split. And with this immature mentality, they still have it in their thick heads that they have some sort of Rights yet, that they still call the shots, whether or not to take us back and 'forgive' us if we happen to have moved on, grinding with another, and even Expect us to be home, crying and trying to---------Forget them, as we wonder who they are prowling around with.
    No matter if it would be a one nite stand or a relationship made in heaven, don't let this furry fellow get your fur in a tither, holding any carrot over your nose. You are your own boss now, your own----Pussycat.
    I don't see you weeping and worrying over his hissy fit, running to him like it bothers you.
    Good luck, good work. xx

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  • He's just jealous that another guy got what he'll never get again.
    You did the right thing by having fun and moving on.
    Him trying to guilt you for having fun is the cherry on the friggen cake.
    Be happy it's over cause he sounds like a tosser.

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  • I don't see the appeal in having sex with a guy you aren't interested after a break up. But I guess it really is a double standard. It's ok for him go do it bit definitely not you. Seems insecure and I don't think you should not take him back

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    • you don't think i should not take him back?

    • You shouldn't take him back

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