Why do people get so cruel after a breakup?

I was with a great guy for a long time. We were close, very connected and strong as a couple, with little issues every couple would have--I come from a rough history of breakups from both girls and guys but this has to be the roughest.
The guy I was with started getting addicted to opiates so he changed a lot, mostly around the month he started using (two months ago) but seemed very depressed and wanted to stop.

We broke up because he wanted to get his life together and we left on a good note. Said he still loved me and that he'd want to get together when he was better, so I just left it at that. A month later I sent a mutual friend to pick up some of my stuff I left at our house and my ex just seemed to explode in anger. He called me, screaming about how I'm trying to cause drama by calling "his" friends and that I'm turning him against him; then later on he went back to his calm, normal self, even going as far as to me not to blame myself for what happened. He said I was great and that it really isn't my fault, but he didn't love me the way he use to but cared about me the same, but started talking to someone else. It hurt but I accepted it and we moved on as calmly as possible.
The next day, he started screaming at me again, calling me a liar for what I did (calling "his" friends) and kept telling me I was trying to ruin life. I honestly hadn't done anything, since OUR friends still talk to me and they tell me he's talked about killing himself, which is the only reason (other than that I'm in love with him) I feel the need to ask if he's okay. Now he hates me for moving on, and says I shouldn't be upset that he is, and that I shouldn't play a victim.
I have no idea what the heck he's talking about; I think the drugs are messing with him.

But that made me wonder: why is it that people who loved each other so much that they'd change their lives for one another, hate each other and hurt each other so much when they break up? Why hurt eachother more?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He is a drug addict that needs help. He isn't himself. The drugs have changed him. He has periods of insanity basically. Urge his friends to get him help and avoid contact with him. Perhaps if he sobers up he might want to talk again, but right now he needs professional help.

    • I see. Well, he seems to hate me right now, so I wouldn't hold my breath despite how much I love him. And his friends are telling me all this stuff about how they're tired of his addiction and want nothing to do with him, but tell him I'm the one saying all this when I try helping him.

    • Show All
    • Thanks, I'm just so confuse about whether he loves me or not. I told him I thought he hated me and he said, "why? I never said that. It's the complete opposite, I love... I was just stressed out coz of my habit and I felt crappy and everyone just stopped talking to me. We just met at a bad time."

    • Thank you for MH! I hope he gets better and perhaps timing will be better.

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