The no contact rule?

I just broke it off with my ex of 4 months about a few days ago. However, I have class with him, and we have very close mutual friends and just avoiding him makes things awkward and uncomfortable and not in the way that it's supposed to.

The least possible contact I can make is averting eye contact, leaving the room/conversation, and not saying a word when we walk past each other. It isolates me from our mutual friends and makes me feel constricted.
I realize the break up is fresh and feelings are still kind of uncomfortable and strange, but the social awkwardness won't mend my feelings or make things easier.. It's making things harder, because I HAVE to have contact with him, just I don't know how to go about it. The only way I can persist in the NC rule is to blatantly ignore him like a child ignoring a friend during a petty fight, and that just sends off the wrong signals, because I'm not bitter about it and I still want to reach out to him eventually to communicate.
I also haven't gotten closure and I plan on talking to him about in in a week or so to ask where it went wrong, because it happened so suddenly.
Should I just keep up the NC rule and see what happens in the next month, then try to reach out to him again? The break up wasn't nasty, just confusing, which is the best way to explain it, because in the end we weren't on the same page and never got a chance to converse about it and I feel like there are still loose ends.
To the people telling me I should've told him before, the thing is, he refused to talk. The lack of communication is why I broke up with him-he'd ignore me when I tried to talk about how I felt or asked him to meet somewhere.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you are egotistically obsessed with some false worth you see in yourself, and with the idea of power and control. Be prepared for this guy to not give a rat's ass about you, making the situation far more uncomfortable for you than for him.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Why didn't you just talk to him about the issues you were having before just breaking up with him? You broke up with him prematurely. Now he may not even see a reason to discuss anything since you've already ended it. And the No Contact rule doesn't even apply in this situation. You implement No Contact AFTER you've discussed what it is you want them to change. Then if they don't they know there will be consequences, thus you having no contact. You can't just go no contact without him knowing why! That's just playing head games with him (which isn't cool)! Im no psychological expert but if I were you (and you still happen to care about this guy) go talk to him and tell him whats got you so bothered (if you haven't already). If he doesn't change then go no contact with him.

    • The thing is I tried talking to him about it, I broke it off with him BECAUSE he didn't answer me when I would ask him what was wrong. I had to hunt him down to break up with him. He just didn't care. And when I tried talking to him about it when we broke up, he seemed careless. The closure I want is because I'm wondering why he lost interest in me.

    • And when we broke up I tried saying "I wanna work this out..." but he would avert eye contact and whatnot. I feel like he dumped me before I dumped him, but he didn't have the guts to do it so he changed and waited till I did it.

    • If he didn't seem to care how he was making you feel then I can understand the reason you did that. Good for you. Im about to do the same with someone I know.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He already know that you still think about him most of day if that helps.

    • I think the asker is worried about whether or not he cares. Sounds like she's more worried about it than he is.

What Girls Said 2

  • You can't move forward if there's no real closure. You need to talk it out with him which will actually make the future easier and then being able to deal with each other will also be far more tolerable than it is now. Right now it's confusing and awkward because you said yourself, it happened suddenly and there was no real conversation about it. If there was, it would have made things slightly easier.

    • Thank you for your answer. When we broke it off, we didn't really have a conversation about why, it was just "hey I don't think this is gonna work out..." and such. Should I wait a month or so? There are lots of different opinions, saying to talk right away or talk later on. In my past relationships I've always made it clear why, but this one is just different in the way that we never communicated about it, so I'm unsure when is the right time.

    • Show All
    • Like I said, IF you still care about this guy and have any hope in salvaging the relationship. Then pick up the phone RIGHT NOW and call him/ text and explain that you did what your did for whatever reason why you did it and then tell him your sorry for doing it that way. And if a reconciliation is something you're willing to try then you might mention if he thinks he can help correct whatever issues y'all having then by all means let him try. Just make sure he knows if it gets screwed up again, you're done. Yet only say it IF YOU MEAN IT! In other words if and when you say YOU'RE DONE. THEN BE DONE! that's how I am... I'll try and try to make something work if I so want it to & am given a little hope from them that it might. Although, in any event I begin to notice im just beating a dead horse, then IM DONE! And at that point IT WILL be buried! No looking back!

    • Thank you all for your answers. My problem is the weeks before we broke up, I would try to confront him and talk to him and he wouldn't tell me what the reasons were he lost interest or didn't want to talk. I gave him as much space as possible where it was to the point the only time I talked to him was saying goodmorning and a few goodnight texts. But when it got down to it and I wanted to know if something was up, there was silence, and the lack of communication is what drove me to break it off with him

  • I think that you're still worried about him caring about you, which he obviously doesn't. If you really wanna know, I'd ask him about it, but eh. Seems like beating a dead horse by now.


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