Is he ever going to be over her?

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. He had broken up with his girlfriend of 3 years 1 year before we met. He said he loved her but was over her now.
Recently I went through his messages and there was a message from her saying that she deleted him on Facebook because it hurt her to see photos of him all the time. He replied saying that he will always have feelings for her and that he is constantly comparing her to me.
When I asked him about it he said I took it the wrong way and he was just empathising with her. He said he loves me now but it makes me I comfortable that he compares me to her. Is he over her? Or does he love me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Was this his first love? It's natural to always have a special place in your heart for someone you spent so much time with. 3 years is a long time. And he loved her for all those years. Can you really blame him for comparing you to her? I wouldn't take it personally. Have more confidence in yourself and your relationship. He's with you now. He chose to be with you. That matters a lot. Be happy that you have someone you can be in a relationship with.

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    • Thankyou. Yes she was his first love and you are right 3 years is a long time I have never been in a relationship for that long so I feel threatened.

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    • Well I'm glad to know that 2 people can have a special place in their heart and no longer be romantically connected. I know it was wrong and I felt stupid already for that but I only did it when I saw her name. I didn't want him to have secrets with his ex.

    • That's understandable.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Well, until he can get over her completely things won't
    be all that 100% for sure with you and him but he shouldn't
    be comparing you two together the longer your with someone
    is the longer it takes to get over them it's best to be single
    after a break up for while

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    • Yeah I know that's why I want to know if he is over her 100% and if not is it worth sticking it out until he is over her. Or will being with me just remind him of her? He said that after that message he felt clear that it was the last time he would ever think of her. I didn't know if he was just saying that. He said he thinks he had been single long enough to be independant and come to terms with the break up. I know what it means to get over someone and I think he wasn't fully over her when we started dating but he thought he was. I didn't know things would get so serious so fast.

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    • Well yeah I have been loved before and I have loved I know what it's like. I'm glad you got over her and yes it takes time.

    • Take care and wish you the best
      thanks for your question!

  • Frankly it's your fault for looking at his messages since they're written for the recipient not you. If he was talking to you about her he wouldn't have phrased it in such a way.

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    • I hate people reading my messages too but if your committed to someone 100% why should there be secrets with an ex lover? Yes I know it was wrong but I'm not asking that or defending myself. What's my fault? If he has stronger feelings for her he shouldn't be with me and that's how it is.

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    • One has to assume what someone says is how they really feel or else our whole communication becomes meaningless. he could just be saying he loves both of us just to make us feel good then what is actually true? anyway one girl said on here what is right, she was his first love and maybe she will always have a place in his heart but she is friend zoned and it just means that his love is strong so I am lucky. And that is all I needed to know.

    • Well actually it wasn't paranoia or distrust I was right in the money, there is still feelings there like I thought. just not romantic feelings, which I can handle. I just didn't understand I have never been with someone over a year and I get over people fast. Look I got pregnant to this guy so I just needed to know if it was worth sticking around or if he would end up dumping me cause I was a rebound. I guess I will never know for sure but I'm not asking if reading his messages is ok, I was pregnant and crazy. I am asking if you think he is over her.

What Girls Said 2

  • omfg.. why going through his messages? where is the trust? He deserves better.. someone who trusts him.. I hope he gets back with her.

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    • Lol you sound like him. Yes I know I had just been out of hospital and I was bored. At first I thought it was my Facebook but he had left his logged in, I didn't think I would see anything because I trusted him but as I had just been out of hospital I thought it wouldn't hurt to see if there were any messages from girls while I was gone because why not. If our relationship is strong and I am not really spying only when I saw his ex come up, there should be no secrets between him and his ex. Especially when we have a baby on the way, I needed to strengthen my trust in him.

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    • good.. I ain't a hoe though.. white trash.

    • Well I'm not trash.

  • took me years to get over my boyfriend of 2 years, to be honest I'm still not 100% over him. Time heals all wounds, some wounds just take longer to heal.

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    • I don't understand why people see them as wounds, can't you be happy for what you had? If you were so in love why are you not together? And don't worry if you're not meant to be then you are stronger for knowing that now.

    • I'm sorry that May have sounded harsh. I'm sure what you had was special and I'm happy for you but I just don't like people being sad about lost love. I hope you get over him if that is what you want.

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