I texted my ex hoping for sympathy, but received nothing. Help?

So I guess this is a question, but I also would like your thoughts.
My ex and I broke up 4 months ago because he has a drinking problem and I have suspicions drugs were involved in the end. I made the mistake of messaging our old boss and telling her I was worried for him, even though I told her that before I quit the job. He found out, was livid and said awful things and said I was delusional about his drinking and it was 100% due to my paranoia. There's a lot more I can add here but I don't have the space. Anyways, my grandfather passed away two weeks ago and on the day he passed, I sent my ex a text to let him know. I also added that I think about him all the time and that I love him as a person and hope he's okay. He never responded. I wonder if he blocked me but I don't have the balls to try to call to see if I actually am. I'm sure he got the text, I guess I expected him to care. He knew my grandpa and he asked about my ex a few times before he passed. I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't hoping for some sympathy, maybe in some twisted way I hoped it'd allow us to keep talking. Wish he could have said "sorry". It's been four months and I still can't stop thinking about him and wondering if he ever thinks about me anymore. I think he carries so much hate and anger towards me because I called him out on his drinking and that's what ended our relationship. I'm just hurt. Thoughts? Advice? Thank you!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Thoughts? You and your ex broke up. He is not responsible for your emotional needs any longer, and getting that message probably pissed him off more than it elicited any kind of feelings for sympathy.

    This is one of those situations where the right move has sad consequences, but it's how it has to be. You wanted to help him, that was good. But how you did it was a massive violation of trust and him feeling livid about it is perfectly justified. So, you had best intentions, sure, but he is justified in not wanting anything to do with you again, even if it wasn't what you wanted. A situation where you had the right intention, he had a justified reaction, and now everyone is miserable. Which sucks, but happens sometimes. Where it feel down is that you then didn't move on.

    It's not just that you brought up his drinking that ended the relationship, it's how you did it. That's what would have sent him off. It sucks for you, as you clearly weren't meaning it that way, but I can totally see why he would have responded the way he did. And I can see why you are hurt by it all, because you were trying to do it out of a concern for him, but it was clearly not the right relationship for you anyways. So you really have to move forward with your life and find someone with a lifestyle that fits your sensibilities better.

    For what it's worth, I am sorry to hear about you losing your grandfather. I was very close to my maternal grandfather, and I've been sad about his passing for 15 years or so now. So I know how hard that can be.

    Shitty situation :(

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What Guys Said 4

  • Unless he has gotten over his addiction of liquor and realizes he has a problem and tries to change he is still going to have that resentment from you. Sorry about your grandpa though and I'm sure he does too even if he won't respond. When you have the courage ask a mutual friend how he is doing if he hasn't changed talking to him would be a waste anyway.

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  • Don't text your ex, it's over.
    Four month? Get over it already !!! Your an adult.

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  • I think it is unhealthy to maintain a connection with an ex. I would not want to hear from you because it is a constant reminder of a failed relationship. The relationship is over, end of story. Plus, if I was dating someone new, they would not like me talking to an ex. There is really nothing to contribute. I understand you still care for him as a person, but he has his own life to live now and I am sure he is mad at you for not liking his habit. I know this is sad, but I wouldn't waste my time on someone like this. Every minute you spend worrying about him is a minute you are losing out with a nice guy!

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  • I would wonder why she thinks her actions don't have consequences... they do

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    • I understand that there are consequences to my actions. I truly wanted to do the right thing, not to hurt him. There should be consequences to his actions as well, but I was a fool for my instilling them when I should have. This is why nice women get mulled over most of the time.

    • Why did you date him if you knew he had a drinking problem anyway? Did you think it'd just magically go away once you got with him because you thought he'd change for you

    • Absolutely not. The drinking wasn't a full blown issue until I moved in with him. Before then, there were a few times if erratic behavior but he hid it very well and came up with believable excuses. I didn't know it was alcohol related until I moved in. And then he admitted it was a problem, tried to work on it, I tried to support him, promised he'd change for us and himself but then it got worse and worse. He started hiding it from me and would drink while I was sleeping. Did I stay too long? Absolutely. But I grew up with an alcoholic mother and I'll be the first to say I did at time hope I could help him change. Does that make me an awful person? May I ask, is this still the Anonymous guy who posted before?

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