My ex and I broke up 4 months ago because he has a drinking problem and I have suspicions drugs were involved in the end. I made the mistake of messaging our old boss and telling her I was worried for him, even though I told her that before I quit the job. He found out, was livid and said awful things and said I was delusional about his drinking and it was 100% due to my paranoia. There's a lot more I can add here but I don't have the space. Anyways, my grandfather passed away two weeks ago and on the day he passed, I sent my ex a text to let him know. I also added that I think about him all the time and that I love him as a person and hope he's okay. He never responded. I wonder if he blocked me but I don't have the balls to try to call to see if I actually am. I'm sure he got the text, I guess I expected him to care. He knew my grandpa and he asked about my ex a few times before he passed. I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't hoping for some sympathy, maybe in some twisted way I hoped it'd allow us to keep talking. Wish he could have said "sorry". It's been four months and I still can't stop thinking about him and wondering if he ever thinks about me anymore. I think he carries so much hate and anger towards me because I called him out on his drinking and that's what ended our relationship. I'm just hurt. Thoughts? Advice? Thank you!
Most Helpful Guy
Thoughts? You and your ex broke up. He is not responsible for your emotional needs any longer, and getting that message probably pissed him off more than it elicited any kind of feelings for sympathy.
This is one of those situations where the right move has sad consequences, but it's how it has to be. You wanted to help him, that was good. But how you did it was a massive violation of trust and him feeling livid about it is perfectly justified. So, you had best intentions, sure, but he is justified in not wanting anything to do with you again, even if it wasn't what you wanted. A situation where you had the right intention, he had a justified reaction, and now everyone is miserable. Which sucks, but happens sometimes. Where it feel down is that you then didn't move on.
It's not just that you brought up his drinking that ended the relationship, it's how you did it. That's what would have sent him off. It sucks for you, as you clearly weren't meaning it that way, but I can totally see why he would have responded the way he did. And I can see why you are hurt by it all, because you were trying to do it out of a concern for him, but it was clearly not the right relationship for you anyways. So you really have to move forward with your life and find someone with a lifestyle that fits your sensibilities better.
For what it's worth, I am sorry to hear about you losing your grandfather. I was very close to my maternal grandfather, and I've been sad about his passing for 15 years or so now. So I know how hard that can be.
Shitty situation :(