I'm tired of my complacent bf but I still love him?

Me and my BF have been together almost 2 years now. I am 20, he is 24. He's back in Charlotte where I used to go to school at (I now take online classes from home 2 hours away) Our relationship started out because I just started college, got cheated on by highschool sweetheart and was looking for someone to I guess numb my pain. Our relationship was never passionate or romantic... we just kinda needed each other. He asked me out and I said yes to him because he was sweet/loyal/funny/safe. I love him dearly, he makes me laugh and he's considerate and he TRIES to be thoughtful (as in gifts). But he is and always has been SO BORING and complacent with our relationship. He NEVER plans dates or has any ideas as to what to do for fun, he never initiates hugs/kisses/hand holding/making out/cuddling. I swear I can be in the same room with him and he will ignore me and play on his ipad if I am not the one to say anything about. He's come over and completely ignored me at times. We tease eachother more than we compliment each other and if he does compliment me without me fishing for it, it's just a plain "you look nice" without even REALLY looking at me... and I can never get him to say I love you 1st and when he does say it, it's mumbled and raggedy. There is no romance or passion in our relationship and the big problem about that is, he just does not care. He is completely fine with the same boring monotonous routine/sex/conversations. I have talked to him about this before and he pitifully tires to fix it for maybe a month then we go back to the same thing. I think all his past gfs have cheated on him because of this too btw. I don't know how to break up with someone who loves me and who is kind as he is. I KNOW I can find someone who can give me what I've been asking him for (not trying to sound rude but it's true. I've had it before and I can get it again, I just want it form HIM but he won't give it to me) I just don't know what to do. I feel awful.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're never going to be able to change him into the affectionate romantic guy you want, so go find another guy that will. You sound like so many people who say their bf or gf isn't right for them, but they still love them. That's why I won't settle anymore, I'd rather be single and look for the right one then settle with the wrong one.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Trust your gut. I guarantee that one time you thought this isn't going to work for you. Never settle.

    Now here's the thing. If you told him he should change and he didn't. You know what to do because you don't benefit from that.

    If you didn't communicate that with him. That's not fair.

    Be as honest with him as possible. Literally tell him what you told us just a tad nicer. It cuts the bs and not only helps you but helps him. This is a learning experience.
    Again don't settle
    Good luck love !!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Find someone else. It's ok. He's not giving you what you need

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