So long sucker?

We had been together for 6 years and for the past 3 years we hadn't had a break up. Yes arguments here and there but nothing huge. I've encountered a family crisis where I would've thought he'd be there for me as I would think and boyfriend would be. But he always seems to choose his family over me or his 2 boys (our sons). He's taken off without even looking back many times in the past. But this time it's been a month to round it off. How can I make it easy on myself to not contact him? I want him to realize that if he decided to form a family with me he should at least be a father to his boys and come around for them! How can I give hime the ultimatum? ?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well you have a lot of questions and some ambiguity in them but he needs to realize those things for himself and you can do nothing but offer him time alone with his two boys.

    • Time with them is what I want from him. That's the problem. He breaks it off with not only me.. but them as well. If he doesn't speak to me he cuts communication with them as well. My 2yr ol is very close to him. And even though I text him telling him its our son calling he rejects the calls. I personally am enjoying my alone time without him. It's taken a lot of pressure off, and I feel I can finally breathe.

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    • You're welcome and so lucky to have your little ones. I wish you all the best even your jerky x

    • Lol. "Jerky x" I like that! 😂

      Wish I could follow you but ur anonymous. Lol. And dido! Hopefully everything falls into place for you.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Giving ultimatums is not a good relationship move. It usually just leads to more strife especially for children. You two already sound like you like sound communication.

    You need to express to him why whatever he's doing isn't working for the two children and you. If he doesn't abide don't give him an ultimatum, just leave.

    • We seriously lack communication. Its like I'm walking on egg shells. I have to watch what and how I say it. Otherwise he gets offended or takes things the wrong way!

  • Giving ultimatums or saying "so long sucker" is definitely a total bomb to throw in a relationship.
    People don't respond well to ultimatums.

    And in the end he may decide that since you start making threats his family is more important than someone who give him "my way or the high way" type choices.

    • @crayven I understand. Its just sad how he prefers his older brother, or being in his mothers house rather than being with his two sons.

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    • Just relax and proceed with what i advised you.

      People like him give men a bad name everywhere as fathers <.<

    • I know. But there's still a few good men/fathers out there. I just happened to run into a BOY.

  • To Give Him An Ultimatum You Must Tell Him What It Is, Tell Him What You Want To Happen In The Relationship, If He Still doesn't Come Around Then There Is Nothing You Can Do Honestly, It's Not Possible To Force A Relationship Back So Dont Even Try...

  • Well, you need to make up you mind entirely first. If he's leaving, he's leaving so you need to be strong not to let him back in your life. He can still be a father to his children without being the asshole that hurts you. If you know you want him out... just tell him so.

    • Definitely. I have self respect. And he will no longer make me question myself about where I stand in his life because it's obvious I have no place. Him as a father will always have that privilege to see and be with his sons. . but being with me will take a lot more than just a simple fake "I'm sorry".

    • I agree, good luck!!

  • Can you post one question at a time about something? I didn't bother to read much but since your last sentense is literally the title of your last question i think we can move along.

    • Excuseeee me. I'm new to this so I didn't think the 1st post was actually up. I'm trying to get the hang of it. But obviously I see they both posted up.

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    • They made that impossible, just leave it as it is.

    • Haha, I know. I just read the help section. My bad. Lol. Thanks tho!

What Girls Said 2

  • Time to break free, sweetie, and the Only thing you Should be concerned about from this day forward is: You and your two sons.
    Sit him down, when he comes around again, and tell him where it is at. He sounds immature, doesn't want a Real relationship with you, Nor cares enough about you and your 2 sons to boot. He doesn't want a Commitment, nor be hooked at the hip, and if he isn't there for you now, he May never be in the future. You are not a top priority, just his 'trophy wife' where he can come and go when he feels like it.
    Make arrangements for him to visit just the boys, but cut yourself out of the loop hole and---Out of his life as far as any 'Contact' goes, if you know what I mean with this...
    Don't 'look back at the past' yourself... He has a long ways to go and may never reach his destination with You nor Anyone.
    Good luck. xx

    • Just saw this now, or I would have commented earlier... Goood luck and God bless... xx

    • Thank you sooooooo much for these words. I truly appreciate it. I will most definitely do as you said. Cut myself from it all. I'll be sending out a message telling him to pick a day (s) he'd like to have the boys. If there is no response from him I will assune he's giving them up. Which will mean I will most definitely NOT be replying to future messages from him.

    • You're so welcome, and hope this helps... Just saw it now, but glad for any advice that is well taken here... xx

  • At this point I think you're beating a dead horse and you're past ultimatums. It's a bit tricky since you have kids, but honestly, move on. Do what you can to foster the relationship between him and your sons but don't stay in a relationship that toxic.

    • Thanks hun. I really am past the "lets work it out" stage. At this point I'm more upset about the fact that he's so immature about parenting. Like I previously said before he not only breaks up with me.. but with the boys as well.

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    • Tell me about it. But eventually our sons will grow up and see things for themselves. Whether we are together or not. I've done my best to keep communication with him BECAUSE of our sons NOT because I want him back.

    • Understandable.

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