I am married so is she and now it's super weird between us?

So I've been having issues in my marriage for some time now, so please spare me the focus on fixing your marriage talk. I think this girl I work with doesn't receive attention from her husband. When I first started a year ago she would stare at me and put herself around me all the time. I didn't really care for her at first, and I noticed that she was popping up all over the place. i'd bump into her randomly all the time and she'd just stare at me with this deer in headlights look. She is fairly shy and doesn't talk to many people. She'd come back to my office and asked me a random question and would just linger there. I stopped her to talk in the hall one day and I thought she was going to faint, she turned beet red and was stuttering. Shortly after this we were taking the same breaks and walking and talking together almost every morning. Part of it was me meeting her, and I think she was reciprocating as well. She would meet me 3-4 days one week then disappear on me the next, then repeat. I became annoyed and started to change things up and ignore her, she seems to wonder why. I also talked about other girls around her. guess I was trying to make her jealous. Overtime, I noticed she would flip her hair and smile real big at my buddy, sometimes right in front of me, sometimes shed watch me while she did it. They worked in the same department, and i never saw them talk like her and I did. Overtime, I became more and more frustrated because I liked her. I noticed she began to leave down the stairs right after my buddy on the way out of work, like no matter if he left early or late. I'd watch and never really see them talking mostly just her arriving to the parking lot as he was getting into his car or as he was driving away. I figured she wanted his attention. I went into hardcore ignore mode, and was cold to he for 2 months. I kind of felt something would happen. Sure enough my buddy tells me one day how she has been following him and how they walk and talk everyday
Which made me super jealous. I started talking to her again and I noticed it went away. her and I have go up and down. It seemed like if I would talk to the guys, but no stop by her desk, then she would start walking with him again. What is all this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Please, please, please divorce your wife. I'd definitely consider this being borderline unfaithful. Why? Have you told your wife how you like another woman? Would you consider cheating on your wife with this woman?
    Don't break a woman's heart. I don't know if your wife cheated on you, but it'd be best if you refrained from this behavior or just divorced her. I know if I were your wife, I'd either want my husband to tell me or just leave me.
    You should only love your wife. Only like her. Being jealous of another married woman is just borderline unfaithful. I'm just old fashion and I wouldn't want this to happen to me. I like monogamous relationships. Just hearing this would break my heart and be enough to divorce you. Your wife may be different.
    But divorce her if you think you wouldn't be able to control yourself. If you love your wife, you would never even think about a woman like this.
    "If there is ever a time another person comes along and you have to choose between us, choose the other person. If you really loved me, you wouldn't even consider the person" - paraphrased internet quote.

    • We are in the process of divorce. What about this girl?

    • Show All
    • I honestly, from what you're saying, think she just wants attention. If she does like you, it sounds like it's just a sort of meaningless crush. Sounds like you're just giving her a thrill that her husband can't or doesn't provide. I don't think it's anything serious but a neglected wife seeking attention from whichever guys she can reel in. You just happen to be the one who notices her the most. :/

    • The bizarre thing is how I didn't notice her at all at first and she did everything she could to get me to notice. We've been up and down back and forth and feel like I push her away and she runs to my buddy for attention if I don't provide.

      The weirdest part of all this that I don't get is how I skipped likely of our monthly group lunches bc I didn't want to be made jealous, then she went through a long period where she did the same thing when she used to go to them all. Or she would skip or call in to a offsite work event. The only lunch sh went to recently was the one I was out of town for and she was sure to let me know about it.

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What Girls Said 2

  • All this is cheating, that's what it is. Do you really have to ask?

    • We never did anything though. I just want to know why she acts the way she does and why she ran to my buddy?

    • Can you give me your thought?

  • She is seeking attention to fullfill a need. I think she has self esteem issues.

    • Thanks I do too. I'm not sure she would cheat on her husband. I think it's weird how she switched over to him during the time I was ignoring and was walking/talking with him like her and I used to do. I also think it was weird how I started talking to her again when I heard and she backed off him, he even told me how she did. I also went through a period of time where I was skipping all of our work lunches because I didn't want to be made jealous. Then she went through a period where she was doing the same thing?

    • We are all humans and we need attention sometimes hurts to be alone. It doesn't necessary means you need to cheat. I personally would seek to boost my self esteem some other way. You have to love yourself first and feel comfortable on your own skin.

    • I feel bad that inignored her the way I did and was cold to her. I think she liked my attention but I had to back off because I started to like her more than friends, but then she ran to my buddy and that made me jealous. I noticed or at least it seems like if I was nice to her and talked to her she didn't run to him. But if I ignored her she does. I don't understand that.

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