Friends have been telling me for a while I should break up with him, now I'm starting to question if that might be the best move?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. When we do hang out, everything's generally fine, we have amazing chemistry as well.

Since the beginning, he's been really bad at scheduling things though. Like we'll make plans a few days in advance, I'll have to remind him and when I say I have an issue with being his 'mom' in that sense, he guilt-trips me. This weekend I went out drinking with him and some friends, during which he made no apparent effort to sit near me or even be around me, and frequently would just leave with someone outside.

That is nothing new. I have been putting up with it since the start, among other things, choosing not to fight a losing battle. He said he'd see me tomorrow after class as well as Friday. He forgot about Friday already, and said he might not be able to do tomorrow due to scheduling conflicts with his class. I get that's out of his control, but I'm just wondering why I should stop myself from hanging out with other nice guys when this is just the start of the semester, and every time something like this happens he guilt-trips me for even being sad and will almost excuse it by saying school is very important to him.

I do love him and enjoy spending time with him, but have the circumstances changed enough that I should break up with him, or at least have a serious discussion?
Would you say he's being manipulative/controlling with me making feel guilty for not being happy?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Start spending time with other nice guys, and blowing him off - or not doing the scheduling.

    You'll quickly see whether or not you're important to him.

    No need to break up just yet. It will probably happen on its own when he doesn't prioritize you enough to spend time with you/when you find someone else. OTOH, maybe he'll get his shit together when you're not around, and it turns out that he missing spending time with you.

    • I know, I feel like I've done that in a way that was maybe too nice a few times. He always just makes me feel bad for bringing up something negating about him though... when would you say is the point at which I should just decide he's not getting his shit together and put an end to it?

    • Like I said, quit scheduling stuff. Spend time with other people.

      If he's a no-show, and doesn't start making time for you, eventually you'll find someone who will.

      When you do, inform him that you're done, and you're dating someone new.

      Biggest issue will be if he starts spending a little bit of time with you (to get his wick wet?), but not too much. At that point you're going to have to say, "I want more or none at all" or open it up to a poly relationship and go get someone else to fill the time you want attention for.

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What Guys Said 1

  • After You Tell Him How Unhappy You Are In The Relationship & He Still doesn't Do Anything To Change It Then You Should End It Cause He doesn't Care Enough About Your Feelings. It May Be Hard At First But Over Time You Will Feel Better & It Will Be Worth It, Stay Positive & Keep Your Head Held High...


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