Boyfriend has a mental health issue?

Well, to start off, my ex and I dated 4 months. We started as friends and things went from there.
Thing is, he told me about his disorder and paranoia (SAD) and such. It took time for him to open up to me about this stuff. He would text me at 4 am saying scary things and how scared and anxious he was. He has only told 2 or 3 people not including his parents which makes me special in a way and feel responsible.
We broke up for other reasons caused by the disorder and he got with someone else within 3 weeks because his disorder causes him to be afraid of being alone but he still tries to keep contact with me.
I miss him and I want to help but I don't know what to do because I'm his ex.
Now that I realize this stuff, I don't want a relationship back with him but I still care and worry about him and I want/need to help him. He was a great friend and we helped each other out a lot.
What should I do? I wanna wait a bit with no contact and leave him and his new rebound alone, but I also want to be available to be there for him when he needs it because only a few people (around 3) including me know about this.

I just care so much and I'm not even romantically interested anymore. Just worried.
Just how can I try to reconstruct the friendship so he has someone else to talk to? I know I can because we mixed well, but I've never been in a situation where I wanted to reconnect with an ex. I can't watch him break down into depression and just be "the ex girlfriend". It isn't about moving on romantically to me anymore. I just wanna be close so I can help him. He is a great person and a good friend.


Recommended Questions


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Take it from someone who has been in your boyfriend's shoes. There's nothing you can do except let him know you're there for them. You can't force him to do anything. He needs to get the proper help. At the same time, you can't let him string you along, use you, hurt your feelings, etc either. Because believe me it's entirely possible he will, even if he doesn't realize it.

    The best thing to do is tell him your concern, and let him know you'll be there if he needs help. But, do not contact him first, don't do things for him, or anything, unless he comes to you in genuine need of something.

    • Okay thank you. I broke up with him because he was doing stuff like that and I knew that being with me wasn't helping but he already got a new girlfriend because he's terrified of being alone and that's his choice to hurt himself.
      Thank you though, I'll do my best. I just don't wanna have to sit and watch him hurt himself more if there might be something I can do to help. If I notice he's feeling down, should I say something? Like "I'm here for you"
      I just don't know how to go about it. It's a weird situation for me because I want to give him space but at the same time I want him to know I'm here too.

    • Yes, you can just let him know you're there for him. If he's not getting professional help, it sounds like he needs to. You could gently tell him you're there for him, and you're afraid he may do something stupid. But don't tell him to get help yourself. Sadly only he can realize that he needs it. Telling him will just make him angrier more often than not. It's definitely a tough situation. I hurt a lot of people when I was unstable.

      If you begin to suspect that he is REALLY going to do something like hurt / kill himself, you can always call a crisis hotline and let them know. Especially if he starts telling you things himself.

    • Thank you, I will. I know that telling him won't help because another friend of him told him to and he just got more stubborn and unstable. But yes, thank you so much for your help. I'll see what I can do.

  • Interesting dilemma. I don't know the answer but it's nice that you care and want to help. You sound like the few who do. At the very least your friend should admit he needs help and seek counseling. I've been diagnosed with depression, and anxiety. And I think P. T. S. D. My family, relatives, and daughter knows but everyone doesn't want me around cause they don't know what to do or anything. My daughter doesn't talk to me anymore, and my relatives haven't talked to me in months, and in most cases, years. The only one who checks on me is my counselor. If your friend needs help, I would approach him but let him know it's just as friends. Then I'd try and persuade him to seek professional help. Good luck.

    • I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression a long a while ago and through counseling got past it, but it is indeed hard to admit that there's something up so I understand. I wanna try to get close to him again so I can tell if he's in serious trouble and maybe be a good influence. It's obvious he is very reluctant to seek therapy. I'm so sorry for your situation as well, it is indeed difficult and it makes it hard to tell people about what is up mentally because of the stereotypical "psycho" behavior people seem to think people with mental illnesses have. But that's never the case.
      Anyway, thank you very much for your insight!

What Girls Said 0

Be the first girl to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!

Recommended myTakes