Is this a reason to break up? bf won't get rid of female friend who tried to break us up?

I've been with my bf for 4 years to start off, this girl has been good friends with him for longer than I've known him. she was head over heels in love with him and had a pet name for him but he seemed kinda oblivious at the time. anyways 6 months into us dating she came with us to this party uninvited... well he invited her when it was supposed to be just us going. i got annoyed and asked him why she was there because she came to practically everything and he got angry with me and dumped me over it. i found out she had been lying about me too saying i was texting her and calling her behind his back calling her horrible names which i didnt.

during the week we were split up i saved text messages of hers admitting she was in love with him and that she had lied about me and i showed them to him. he said he was sorry and we got back together and promised to never speak to her again.

a year later she came to his graduation, he invited her. he expected me to be ok with it even though he supposedly hadn't talked to her since then. i didn't say anything because id ruin the day for him.

then i saw he still had her on Facebook a few months later so i deleted him off Facebook and just ignored it hoing he would delete her liked i asked him to. he said he did.

year 3 of the relationship he was in this biking group for 8 months where they dirt raced across tracks and fields, i wasn't too interested at first but i wanted to share his hobby with him by coming to watch sometimes. he told me at the very last minute on the ride up there that she was part of his biking group and she was in it before he joined. i told him i thought he wasn't speaking to her and he said he was just on friendly terms. she still called him by his pet name and she tried to be friendly with me. told him not to speak to her and he said hed leave the group.

3 days ago i went on his Facebook cause i never use it and i saw he was STILL friends with her.

Updates:
i feel like im not important enough for him to put my feelings before hers, i asked him why he keeps doing this to me and he says its because he couldnt bare to face her about what she did and he just put it to the back of his mind and ignored it.
just to add im not the kind of gal to just randomly hate his female friends and ban him from talking to them, i think i was justified as she was in love with him and tried to break us up. i dont think he's cheated on me its just disrespectful

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is just a preview of how he'd treat you even if you were his wife, please simply state how he's made you feel and shut the door. If in all this time he's disrespecting your feelings, basically he's too selfish and immature to give you what you need. To me, it's not about her, it's about HIM and how he's responding (or not) to this situation.

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    • thank you thats exactly how the situation is! he makes it about him and turns himself into a victim when i get on about how insignificant and second best she makes me feel. he says its hard for him to process things and he's trying his best and im just dumping problems on him where there are none. i fully agree with you, if its not her then when the next problem comes along im going to be last priority then aswell because hed rather let me down and not the other person whos causing the issues

    • He's full of it and you can and WILL do better. You can't allow this kind of thing to drag out and wear down your unhappiness & your self esteem. Good, positive relationships make the parties happy, not hurt and disrespected. Best of luck to you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It feels like you BF doesn't have much appreciation for you. .. I've been through something similar and I know how that end... they ended fucking!
    You know what... just think about it like this: if you were in his place what would you do? If you love someone and you don't want to lose her, him, you eliminate everything that presents a threat to your relationship! In this case it has to be back or white there's no in between! But it looks like BF enjoys presence of that girl near him if not he would ended long time ago! It's a red flag! Just ask yourself if you want to put up with their shit? Start going out and look to meet other people, not date but look to see what possibilities you have! If you could just enjoy yourself without being in a relationship it's even greater! I know it's not easy but you will see... its not going to last!

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    • thank you, i agree with you :( he continually puts her feelings first because he can't bare to stop being friends and confront her about what she did but its ok to hurt my feelings when im not the girl causing problems. I've told him how would he feel if it was the other way around and i was keeping a male friend around who kept causing problems and was in love with me and he sees how bad it is then but he doesn't see what the big deal is when he's doing it to me. if she wasn't important to him he would do the right thing, i think you're right i should take a break from him and enjoy myself and meet other people. he's going to treat me this way forever whenever this situation comes up i think or he will end up cheating on me with her if he hasn't been already. thanks for the advice!

What Girls Said 3

  • Yes you are right in your feelings. You told him numerous times how you felt and he knew what she was about after causing your breakup. He's still friends with her on Facebook, and he's not worried about facing you after repeatedly hurting your feelings..

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  • Well.. it seems like you're on dangerous ground. I would say talk to him face to face about it and why you're feeling upset (because guys are oblivious). If he does this again after talking to you, then yes, breaking up would be a good idea since he doesn't respect how you feel.

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  • Yeahh sounds shifty dont you think?

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