Why does my ex keep making an effort to contact me?

My ex and I broke up almost five months ago basically because he wasn't ready to settle down nor does he want to for a very long time until after he gets his life and career together. I barely agreed to be his friend. It's fine for the most part but he would tell me about all these girls he's been talking to and would get offended if I got mad at him for telling me. He got all defensive when I call him out for pretending he didn't see me in person at times (particularly at a concert). I've been so fed up with him taking advantage of the situation, I have tried talking it out with him but all he says is to distract myself and forget about the past (which I don't miss him so I see the reasoning as invalid). I am still hurt though. A lot.

The past two or three weeks, I have been ignoring him for the most part. He tries talking to me at least two or three times a day and I reply every once in awhile. It's been more frequent lately. I feel bad because he's generally such a nice guy with a good heart but I'm tired of the shit he puts me through. Why does he keep trying to talk to me? I've ignored seven or eight snapchats from him in the past day or so (I know they're usually sent to other people as well).
I remember him saying that I have become his best friend and he will always want me in his life. Also he said there's no way he's leaving me or what we had behind and he begged me not to listen to my friends' advice


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a case of "I don't want a commitment but I don't want you out of my life either"- the old wanting to have his cake and eat it too. They still want to keep you in their realm to keep tabs on you. It's partly a control thing. As soon as you pull away, he'll want you and the second you give him attention, he plays games. It is never a good idea to remain friends with an ex unless it's years down the road. You need to cut off all contact - you need to heal and move forward and he's being unfair to you. This is What he's trying to avoid but that's too bad. Have respect for yourself and set the boundary. If there is a chance you guys will get back together, it won't ever happen if you remain friends. He needs to see what life is like without you for a while.

    • You are absolutely right. Thanks for the advice!

    • You're welcome - good luck!:)

    • I tried talking to him about it but he told me he was too busy to deal with stuff like that and he had nothing to say. So it gave me even more reason to cut him off (his response is not why I cut him off). It's been over a week now but overall I'm glad I did it though I might not have handled it the right way. I just need to heal for the time being.

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What Guys Said 1

  • it really sounds like he wants you back greatly. Whether you know that or not. well he does, But if he isn't ready to commit he gets the door. so don't feel obligated to waste time with him. He's just trying to make you jealous, trying to make you want him again

    • He definitely isn't ready to commit. Half the time we were together, he would talk about the things he did with girls at parties when he was single and such. I know he talks to a lot of girls now. I asked him twice (once right after we broke up and once a couple of months ago) if he could see us together again when he was ready. The first time he said maybe since it's a good thing for me if he still wants me around after a breakup. The second time he told me to just forget about the past and to remain friends for the time being. He told me he still wanted me around and will always want me around because I became his best friend from our relationship and that I am the perfect fit for a girl best friend. But we don't hang out or anything and I partly started ignoring him because he would intentionally distance himself from me.

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