He doesn't want to be friends?

My ex and I broke up six months ago. After a month of no contact, he suggested we meet for drinks. It went well, we confessed we still loved each other but confirmed we wanted to be friends.

Over the next couple months we hung out and it was always fun, full of laughs. He'd let slip an "I love you" every now and again, saying he still wanted to sleep with me when we got together. It's not like I didn't love him or didn't want to sleep with him too, but I didn't want to ruin any chance of friendship. I figured he just had mixed emotions, we talked about it, and I was willing to let all the "I want to have sex with you" comments slide.

After a couple months of the friend thing, he said he had started talking to a girl, and he needed at least three months of no contact with me to be fair to the new girl. I told him I understood, was happy for him, and left it at that.

We're still "friends" on social media. In the three months since, he's "liked" posts, and he sent me a couple of benign texts around his birthday. Other than that, no contact. I wanted to be respectful and never reached out to him.

We're at the three-month mark soon. I know there's a good chance I'll never hear from him again. I don't know where he is relationship-wise. A friend of mine saw him on an online dating site over a month ago, so my fear is he said he was seeing someone because he doesn't want to be friends, but couldn't get up the courage to tell me that outright. But I really, profoundly miss his friendship.

I don't care if he's with someone. I want to be his friend. I won't push it if he doesn't actually want me as his friend in return, obviously. But I also don't know if the random texts and comments were him "reaching out." I don't think so, but my friends have suggested that it was...

Should I try sending him a friendly text if he doesn't do so himself in the next few weeks? Or just leave it?


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Well the thing Is what im thinking about how he's acting is that he obviously still loves you and he's fighting his feelings and thats actually unhealthy, because it confuses yourself He didn't want to have those feelings any more so he ceased any sort of contact. He still wants a relationship with you and I think thats the only thing you could ever have with him

    • Thank you for taking the time to respond. To be honest I feel like the fact that he kept axing for sex early on demonstrated to me that he wasn't still in love with me, but I don't know, clearly I don't understand men. I mean, I feel like if he loved me he wouldn't have been so brazen in regards to the sex thing? I don't know, I guess my fear is he doesn't like me at all, and that's why he asked for no contact, which is why I've been afraid to reach out. But I guess I should contact him anyway, just to see once and for all whether or not he wants me in his life?

What Girls Said 1

  • Bottom line at first he was into you and loved you and he met someone else and he no longer hurts for you and wants you sexually like he said. He has probably fallen out of love with you. There really is no reason for him to keep in contact with you. You are his ex gf.

    • Oh I'm sure he has. And that's fine. I'm not asking for a sexual relationship. But he's remained friends with all his previous exes, so I guess it gave me hope that he meant it when he said he wanted to be friends, as that's what I truly wanted too. But since he was the one who suggested no contact, I feel like it's not my place to ask if he's ready to be friends yet. But then again, I'm wondering if his casual texts were him saying he's ready to be friends... I just don't know but feel like it's not my place to ask...

    • I know you are not asking for a sexual relationship. But like you said he suggested no contact which means he initiated leaving the friendship. He probably felt guilty for seeing you sexually as well, no contact rule is used to heal a person

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