How to handle angry ex bf who broke up? How to reconnect and get him to cool down?

I am dealing with a very temperamental 30 y/o boy that refuses to engage in regular contact until he has seen me 'correct my mistakes'. He says that I should have expected him to me mad for longer than a month or even two months. He still seems to have a lot of anger towards me as if he holds me totally responsible for him breaking up with me. He said that it was because of my attitude, selfishness, high expectations and the fact that I never took his words seriously in order to correct my mistakes.

I did used to have a lot of uncontrollable outbursts and attack him when we missed even a day of contact. He also now decides to take all my 'angry words' literally and actually wants to convince himself that 'I never loved him'. So, I think he is hostile still and it has been 1.5 months. There's also stress in his life now from work and family, so I am just the icing on the cake. Now, he just says 'I will contact you when I'm not busy'. He's a nasty beast at the moment, but I'm trying to see his pain as well.

He also keeps saying 'we will never be back the same or together in the same way', but then also says I have to 'work on A to B before getting to Z'. It is all so mixed up at this point and I am tired of the space between us.

Is seems like he is basically vulnerable and enraged, so doesn't want to get hurt again by immediately reentering a relationship. I just know that if we didn't reconnect soonish than I am never going to talk to him again because this is torture for me and friends is not an option.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Take time away from him. Serious time. Months. Even if you've made small changes in the time you've been broken up, that's nowhere near enough to have any real change. If you want a long lasting relationship with this guy, you have to give him time. You were not a nice person to him in the past, for however long it was. He needs time to sort through those feelings and you need to take time to work on yourself as well

    • The most sensible answer here. Thanks! :) I am trying to ease my way back in, but being met with some rudeness still. He said something like "I am not living for u. I have better things to do than talk about the past". OUCH. I guess that will take some time to wear off. Still hasn't unblocked me from some social media. Is this supposed to be 'normal' aftermath?

      Now, says to continue to reflect and make SURE I do not repeat the same mistakes again. Hopefully, it doesn't take ages to return to regular communication as this is super frustrating!

    • You need to be prepared for the fact that might never happen

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What Guys Said 4

  • "I just know that if we didn't reconnect soonish than I am never going to talk to him again because this is torture for me and friends is not an option. "

    Nope, friends isn't an option. Cutting off ALL contact with him is. He obviously is angry at you and the more you push, the angrier he is going to get.

  • Buy some life insurance. This guy is going to kill you.

    You are throwing gasoline on a fire with a warped ideal the liquid will put out the fire. Have the police pay him a visit and if need be obtain an order of protection.

    You don't need him in your life. He needs to get his life together before dragging you through the trash with him. If you love him, make sure you have life insurance and make someone a millionaire.

  • Ironically, we all tend to get emotional over flaws in others... that WE harbor OURSELVES
    so... let this guy preach to his own mirror and go shopping for a replacement

  • You attacked him if he missed a day of contact? :S Sounds like he wised up and ran for the hills. Guys don't tend to enjoy a bunny boiler.


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