Should I ask her what went wrong in our first dating experience?

So I met this girl two months ago and we went on 3 dates in July and one in august. She told me on the second date that I was the first person she actually had a date with so she wanted to continue dating me, but slowly.
Between the third and fourth date we went to have some drinks with mutual friends and I tried to kiss her in the car after I dropped her of at home.
I kinda screwed up that kiss and on the fourth date there wasn't an opportunity to 'try' to kiss her again.
We both had to study in august, so there was no time to go on a date then, but we did text every day.
In the last week she suddenly went 'colder' in her texting and she waited longer to answer.

After I tried two times to go on a date between her travels in september, she texted me a long text explaining that she wanted to try it with me at first, but it wouldn't work anymore for her.
She also told me I was a nice guy but she has no feelings for me.

In a way, I can understand she has no feelings yet, since we haven't seen each other for more than a month and even my feelings were a bit down.
Did she give up too soon? Should I do something? We do have to meet again anyway for some stuff I need back.
Because she told me to go slow, I barely touched her, so maybe that was a turn-off? We weren't even in an actual relationship yet, but I feel awfull about the whole situation. I'm certain that if we had had one more date, I would have kissed her without hessitation and maybe it would have sparked some feelings? Never been broken up with, so I feel kinda lost..


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry it didn't work out. You can ask her if you want, but it's a pretty awkward conversation. I was in a similar situation (except we'd been texting for a while but only went out twice), and a guy asked me that. I didn't really have a good answer for him. He was a good guy, I just didn't feel like we had the right level of chemistry and attraction. I couldn't see us dating. I can't really tell him what he should have done or what went wrong though, because honestly I don't really know myself. It's like it's either there or not... and that time is wasn't. I also met someone else I really liked around that time, and I found myself more interested in him.

    Anyway, I think in the future it might help to kiss her sooner, keep up some touching and physical contact, as naturally as possible, and just spark some attraction and a good comfort level, and the feelings should follow. Sometimes it just isn't clicking though, and that's unfortunate but we can only move on and try to find someone else.

    • If we had met in person and she had not told me over a text, it would have been easier for me. Dumping via text is so heartless. Now that you mention the chemistry and attraction, I now realise it probably wasn't really there. But I had no reference so I assumed everything was OK. So weird that we texted for a whole month in July as well and then she even started adding kisses at the end. If she hadn't done that, I wouldn't have gotten totally crazy about her. I'm not really a 'touchy' person, so I never noticed it during a date I wasn't touching her at all. On paper we are perfect for eachother, but in reallity, it probably wasn't meant to be. We will see eachother again due to mutual friends so the awkwardness is unavoidable. I'll let it sink in for another week before considering contacting her. At least now I have some dating experience and the guts to ask a girl on a date, so I've got that going for me ;) Thanks!

    • Yeah, exactly. :) Just wasn't meant to be, but you'll be fine, and having some more experience and confidence always helps. No problem and good luck!

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • Doesn't matter. She's not interested. Quit worrying about "What might have been" and move on to find another.

    • You're probably right. To be honest, I'm not trying to 'fix' anything to have a relationship with her. Not that desperate to get her. But I would like to have a face to face meeting to know why she suddenly seems so angry with me. Just for future reference

    • I wouldn't even worry about it. What works on one woman won't work on another. Getting any advice of what you did wrong with her probably won't matter with the next girl. I would just forget about her. :)

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