How to break up and can I do it by phone?

I have been having nagging feelings to end my relationship for a week to the point of panic. We've been dating for about three months.

In short I feel I can't trust him. I get these worries that he can become controlling. I am scared he will blame me or react in a bad way. I don't want him to lash out. I just saw him last night and he was acting disrespectful and had shown some signs of it before. I feel we don't want the same things and he doesn't truly respect me. I just know its over. I want to end it. I really do. He even told me I am acting weird and distant lately.

Can I call him? And what do u say?


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04

Most Helpful Guy

  • Hello there.

    In my opinion, the respectful and mature thing to do is to break up with someone personally by saying so in their face. However, if you thing the pressure of seeing him and his attempt to make up for it or denial over it may alter your state of mind or be too tough to deal with, perhaps it is better by not so direct means. But I must add, try to at least make it a phone call, text is a bit irritating when replying since after such a statement from you will cause a reaction from him and by doing so by text will really get on his nerves.

    You should simply express your feelings about what is making you feel insecure in this relationship, what you feel are differences that you can't and won't deal with, and truly some things you've said here and put it forth in a controlled, calm, yet confident voice so he knows you mean it, that you are sure of it, and that it comes out in a more gentle way as to not provoke resentment.

    Alas, many people take these things way too personally, even without any emotional attachment. So be prepared to hear some nasty words, begging, melancholy, and so forth. At this moment, don't consider those words to be their own since they will either be overcome by emotion and/or extremely defensive, trying to protect their honor feeling they have been wrong, or cling on to the relationship you are trying to end. I suggest you don't associate what they are about to say with their own person. Let the realization sink in for a couple of weeks or months, when they have time to think over it.

    It's a rather difficult thing to do, to end something. You have only been dating for 3 months, right? It's still quite young, and perhaps you two aren't so emotionally attached yet, so it should be easier. But nevertheless, I would say that someone always gets hurt in the end one way or another. But you have to do what is best for you, even if moving on might harm another.

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    • Afterall, from the words of Onizuka, "A brat who is afraid to get hurt isn't qualified to love someone."
      If you are in a relationship, always be prepared for some form of pain.

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What Guys Said 3

  • you should only break up over the phone if you do not feel safe. Otherwise in person face to face is best. If he's controlling you have to ask yourself if he's telling you were to be... disapproving of your friends... sex is getting rougher... and blames you for his faults.
    ^^ then yea those are signs of a phone call break up.

    And yea he's right about how you are..."growing distant" its because you want to break up with him, Anyone will notice because that special feeling you once had is gone.

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    • He was interrogating me about my cell phone and I feel he has been disrespectful

    • well the dude's getting a little hyper sensitive now
      i think he suspects something...

  • Meet him somewhere like for coffee or a snack and tell him and be honest, maintain eye contact, don't change your mind or waffle. Say it exactly as you posted here: "you have been disrespectful and controlling and I can't be with someone like that", leave some cash to cover the bill and walk.

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  • -That could piss him off more than saying it in person, because... let's say you did it over the phone, he will find you walking on the street for example and keep asking you "T. T WHY?" And make a scene that will absolutely embarrass you.
    -ONLY call him if you think he hurts when you break it up to him.

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