Is it me, or the things going on in his life?

We were dating for about a year, and things were great. I mean, we'd have our fights and stuff, mainly because I was insecure about myself. Anyways, he always has a lot of stuff going on at home, because he lives in a completely broken home. I've always been there for him, and he's always been there for me, which made us really close because of the things we've both experiened. I 'broke up' with him about two weeks ago because of a misunderstanding, but we've always gotten back together. The thing is, this time it was in person (whenever we 'broke up' before we'd always come back together because we both knew that we didn't mean it). After that, he didn't want a relationship, which is understandable. A few days later we started talking as friends again, just being there for each other. Then, he told me a few days after that, that he wanted to get together again eventually once we can really be together, because we really started to understand each other after talking as friends for a few days. Another few days have passed, and we started 'talking' a little bit again. The problem, though, is that he had a really bad day yesterday (at school and at home), and now he told me last night that he can't see this going anywhere.
He's also friends with my best friend; he was texting her last night, and he told her that if I would just "grow up, and move on" or something I'd be better off. She knows him really well too, and she's said that when something's wrong, he'll push people away and act like nothing's wrong. We talked to an adult for advice, and he told us that it seems like I'm just the outlet for his pain, because he doesn't know how to deal with whatever he's going through. I know he cares about me, but when he's hurt or mad he pushes me away, and talks about me. My friend has even told me that she knows he cares if I'm hurt, and she knows EVERYTHING.
Has he really moved on? does he still want me, but he just doesn't know how to deal right now? Will he come back?
At first when we just broke up and he didn't want to get back together, there was a lot of problems going on at home for him. Things got better and then he was willing to try again, and now that things are going wrong for him he doesn't want to try.
Is he just feeling hopeless and lost? Why is he taking his anger and frustration out on me? I know he cares about me, but he keeps saying I can do better. Is he treating me like this because he feels worthless with all of the stuff he's dealing with?


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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't know why your friend has his depressive episodes, but it seems that you provide emotional support for him and so he will be contacting you again as he begins to recover from this latest downer. You two have reconnected in the past nearly as routine following these events. It may be, however, that he will begin to require more support than you can provide, and to that end it would be good that he obtain counseling with a mental health professional to discuss his ongoing problems.

    You have shared similar experiences, but these experiences seem not to have affected you to the severity they have him. I appreciate your concern for him, but you must measure the degree of sacrifice you are willing to make for this guy. His condition may worsen with or without professional help and your tolerance in supporting him through his tribulations may wear thin. So, again, you must determine the point at which you will agree with his current notion that the relationship is unsustainable. Will you have the courage to depart from this possibly co-dependent relationship if it begins to interfere with and possibly ruin your own advance to a happy life?

    • I'm in the process of deciding whether or not I can continue to just let him come and go when he pleases/needs. I really want to be there for him as his friend, confidante, and partner, but I honestly never know when his decision is permanent or not. I've always sort of known that he'd come back, but at the same time, when he leaves I can't know for sure if it's real at the time. I don't think that makes sense at all, but whatever haha. I want to continue this relationship, but I feel like continuing to be here for him after he consistently leaves because of his personal life, makes me look a bit needy. I feel terrible for saying that because I really do care about him, but I don't know (right now) how invested he is in our relationship when things are going alright.
      Also, how do I get him to talk to a professional, or whatever. Right now he's kind of avoiding me, because.. I don't really know haha he's the one who did the 'breaking-up'. But, he doesn't think anyone can help him bc

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    • You have a clear mind, I see. Well, you can check the county or city offices to source free or very low cost counseling from a mental health professional to talk away any possible ghosts haunting him. Otherwise, a teaching university nearby might be able to provide help for him. I am not making judgment on the state of his mental health.

      When his mood improves and he contacts you again, and you feel the time is right, you can suggest that he contact such a professional. The difficulty is that he himself will have to agree and carry through with this suggestion.

      Congratulations on being a caring person!

    • Thanks :)

      Do you have any suggestions on what I should do at this point concerning our romantic relationship, as well? Do you think that he's just trying to find a way to deal with the pain, and that way is to just take his anger out on me by pushing me away? I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and I care so much about him, and 'us'. What do you think this all means, and what do you think I should do?

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