Is it better to say how you feel or cut off contact with an ex-gf?

I'm seeing my ex-girlfriend this week to grab coffee before i move closer to my job an hour away. we've been back and forth all summer getting back together and then breaking up again. it's been all on her part and the ball has mostly been in her court the entire time and i really lost control of the driver seat. to my defense however i was misled, as she left out certain details about being interested in another (much older) guy she works with. i found this out from a friend who talked to her so technically I'm not supposed to know. last time i saw her it was to break up on good terms so she could take the time to be happy with her self again (excuse: depression; although it may have been more of a half truth). plus, we've already gone through the "i miss you stage" as she came back to me 2 weeks after initially ending things with me. as it stands now i think im in the friend zone but we barely communicate anymore, except for last night when she called to inquire if i was on her netflix account and then we caught up for a bit.

anyway...

when i see her this week, should i just leave a good lasting impression, not talk about the relationship or anything emotional and then just go NC

or

have a good time with her and then at the end tell her I'm making a decision for me to take some time apart from you so i can focus on all the amazing new opportunities i have going for me (new job, apartment, city) and then hint at not wanting to be friends, and tell her if she wants to be in my life that's great (and completely on her), but if not ill be fine on my own.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Why do you want to keep in contact with her, do you still love her? If you are, can you really move on in your life and be happy if youremain friends? If it was me i would leave a good impression, not talk anout emotions or your relationship, but i can never understand why people who aren't together anymore want to keep in touch, unless they believe and hope they will get back together again, to be honest i wouldn't even be meeting my exes for coffee, or keep in touch, coz in time she will leave you confused and dumbfounded, i wouldn't put myself through it, not worth it,

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    • i am still in love with her, but she just sounds so out of it (in addition to all her school work and volunteer ambulance work). i originally asked her to get coffee to tell her i love you too much to want to be friends and if you change our mind, i'll hear from you but im moving on. she's given me breadcrumbs throughout the summer about us and a future, but then again all of her words dont represent her actions which were that of a guilty and confused girl. my main goal in all of this is to just get the power back and leave a good lasting impression. we can't be together right now obviously but if i can have a strong positive meeting with her and maybe say something, she might come around in the near future after i stay away for a while. i'm an all or nothing guy at heart, and the last thing i want her doing is to call me "dude" and text me randomly about pointless things or just to have a friendly check-in to see how im doing

What Guys Said 1

  • if ur on off on off hot cold type relationship might as well not date cause ur just gonna keep stressing out if anything just be friends with benefits or cut all ties cause lets be honest if it didn't work before and u tried again n again what makes u think its gonna work now? I have learned 1 thing about friends you dont need a lot you just need quality not qauntity

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    • yeah its a pretty tough situation to come back from but my main debate is between A) just dont set up grabbing coffee unless she texts me about it (even though it was my idea) B) go get coffee, be confident and positive, and then just leave having hopefully made a good lasting impression before i start NC or C) get coffee, be confident and positive and then just tell her in a calm, loving, and confident way how i feel about not wanting to settle for being friends, if you ever change your mind or want to have an honest talk about this let me know, but for now i'm moving on

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