I think I subconsciously sabotaged my relationship? How to fix what's broken?

I am still trying to correct some of my bad habits that caused the breakdown of my LDR. I actually had a breakdown after 1 year into it because I was unemployed, my bf didn't have finances to meet me (cross-continental), and well, too much time on my hands. I just snapped and couldn't be nice anymore.

Of course, I had the right to be angry for my bf not fulfilling the travel plans or meeting halfway, but I took it too far. I was starting fights for attention, interrupting his work day with drama, nitpicking, harassing with calls, etc. I held him fully responsible for being unable to meet me especially after one year passed and my life was pretty shitty at that time also. I basically indirectly (or purposely) caused my bf to break up with me.

He even tried to help me correct my mistakes many times, but my mind just neglected every advice he gave and I was on a rampage. I think I have some issues. I feel so guilty now and he is being very stubborn to forgive me. He has blocked me off almost everything. He doesn't think I can change and needs PROOF that I have improved to ever reconsider anything. He just kind of backed off completely to protect his own feelings and not to deal with my toxic behavior. I don't blame him. But, I don't know how long it will take for him to recover or forgive me.

Has anyone been self-destructive and caused a break up? Any similar experience? How to repair and get that person to trust you again?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You sound much like me. And I have ruined many of my relationships in the past. I never got them back. But, I got better each time it happens. I amnnow in another long distance relationship, and what I do to keep it is simply let it runs it course. Guys can be frustrating, I know, and if you have other stuffs going on in your life that stressed you out it doesn't help. But, you have to remember that the only one who can make you happy or unhappy is you. Not him.

    You need to look into yourself and fix your insecurity issue and other issues you have before trying to get him back or get into another relationship. Give your bf time and chance to miss you, and if he doesn't come back, he has move on. And so should you.

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    • Thanks for your story. It's no wonder why I never took relationships seriously in the past and guys usually feel worthless. I'm not sure if I should be with anyone until my life gets sorted. Or maybe make a better effort to self-improve. Do u have any tips on how you made changes? I'm always feeling angry and explosive (in attack mode).

    • How I made the changes? Well, I just came into realization that I cannot change people (in this case my bf), so when he pissed me off I just ask myself whether what he did wrong outweigh what he has done right as a bf. If the answer is no, then i just let it go and free myself of the burden of being angry. If the answer is yes, I will try to talk to him and sort it out.

      Sometimes it won't work, and when it happens I know that it's time to either adjust my expectation or move on.

      Good luck!

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  • long distance will never work for you because you are controlling and you need someone around you, who is always reachable.

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  • Speak to a therapist. Understand and discover why you are so paranoid. Also long distance is undoubtably hard and requires a lot of trust. May not be for you

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