How do I get over being the rebound?

How do I get over it if I'm the rebound girl? I started dating this guy a month a go and he told me he had a year old son so I asked how long had he been split from his ex as his son was so young he told me about 3 months. So I asked if he was ready for a relationship so soon he said yes as it had been a long time coming breaking with his ex and we both agreed we'd take it slow and see what happens. So we meet and start dating and everything was great but he seemed to be moving it at a pace a lot quicker than I expected. Wanted to meet up 6 times the first week and saw him 3 or more times the other weeks. Introduced me to his eldest son and mom and talked about going on holiday and even made a date for us to take his son out together. Then he started to back off. He wasn't txting me as much as he did before and it got to the point that he was ignoring my texts so I asked what was going on and I still feel like I pushed him now. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, that his son couldn't handle us together (there were issues with the son and his ex), that he thought he was ready but he wasn't. Even said that he didn't want anymore children and didn't want to stop me from having them. Bare in mind I don't know if I want kids and this was 1 month into seeing each other and I already knew he didn't want any. I feel like he was blaming me for pushing him into a relationship but it was him doing all the leading I was just happy at the mo to take things slow I told him this and I didn't hear back at all and haven't heard from him since. I'm gutted and I don't know how to get over it all I wanna do is talk to him but I don't feel I can that if I try an contact him he'd just ignore it. I obviously have developed strong feelings for him when I tried to stay guarded. Maybe he just isn't interested and used that as an excuse but how do you get over being the rebound when you care so much for them?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Day by day. And, by realizing you were not at fault. He initially misrepresented himself, intentionally or unintentionally, by stating he is over the breakup with his ex. And, by consistently reinforcing that by spending an usual amount of time with you, given the short time you knew each other, and introducing you to his family and social circle. Thus, you eventually trusted in him. It could happen to anyone.

    By the way, the statement, "there were issues with his son and his ex," in my opinion, means he and his ex are not entirely over each other and, or perhaps are contemplating reuniting. Parents who are no longer together but still have feelings for each other will often take issue with their children being introduced to their co-parent's significant other. But, who knows, there could be many reasons behind his decision.

    That being said, going forward, consider it a red flag when someone wants to move things along quickly with you. I believe, at least, they are fleeing from something or someone, or they are very much insecure or dependent. Relationships should progress at a natural pace.

    For now, occupy your time in new and other interests.

    • The son in question wasn't his recent exs son but she didn't treat this son well from what he told me. From the text I just feel like I'm at fault maybe I shouldn't have pushed to find out what was going on but I panicked from not hearing from him and he made it sound like if pushed for a relationship

    • Also he used that situation with his son as a reason that his son wasn't ready for another person with his dad. Sorry just to clarify but it confused me that not long before he asked for us to take his son out together but then cancelled saying his son was ill not long after that was when i felt something wasn't right

Most Helpful Girl

  • I was a rebound before and it hurt so much... this guy has drama and you should not involve yourself in his mess. Find someone who has no kids. Good day!


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What Guys Said 2

  • This is what happens all the time with rebounds. It is why there is an entire relationship category called "The Rebound". And of course the guy is going to go into it saying "I'm all good, ready for a relationship, no need to worry..." No girl in her right mind would date a guy who said "I'm going to go really hard at the start to try and resurrect the high feelings I had while in a long relationship, then realize I have been acting like I know this person when I really don't and I've been just using them as a surrogate for my ex to make this transition period easier... and then I'll probably break up with you."

    If you care that much about someone in that short period of time, it is an infatuation you are feeling, so the steps you need to take to get over them are the same as those needed to get over a crush: Find a friend to confide to. Acknowledge the reality of the situation. Don't confuse this with personal failure. Separate yourself from the person in question, both physically and mentally if possible. Meet new people. Take care of yourself. Move on, and work to avoid relapse (basically treat it as substance addiction). Avoid becoming bitter. Don't make someone else responsible for your own happiness.

  • I've got a similar issue as you. I got involved with a girl that had a boyfriend but their relationship wasn't going anywhere I fell in love with her and it really felt like she did too. She told me I was the most important person in her life that she had fallen in love with me that she had never felt this way before and after some time she said that she wanted to be with me. Then she dumped me and went to her boyfriend but it wasn't enough she then came back asking for forgives and wanting us to be a couple. Of course I wanted that too but after a couple of weeks she dumped me again and went back to her ex. Apparently they're really happy now and apparantly she doesn't give a damn about me or at least that's what it looks like. So I guess she was just using me to better her relationship and all it took was for her to have an affair for the better part of a year to make that happen never mind how I feel now.
    It's really hard coming to terms with this and I'm not sure how to do it myself all I know is that I'm really hurt and there are moments I can't handle everything and just want to run away.


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