Have a made a mistake in breaking up with my boyfriend? please can someone help?

i dont know if anyone can give me any good advice but i need to try something as i am going out of my mind.

basically I've been with someone for 3 years, he is the most perfect boyfriend to me and an amazing stepdad to my 5 year old i could ever ask for but over the last 18months i have been fighting with myself over wether im happy or not in the relationship, we have spoken many times together about this aswell. weve had probably about 6 breaks that have lasted about a week and he really is like my best friend but im just not physically attracted to him does that make me shallow? it hurts me so much to see him cry but does that mean i should stay and be unhappy just to make him happy. i really dont know what to do :(.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone if the attraction is just no longer there. You shouldn't stay in a relationship you are unhappy in just to make the other person happy. That's not fair to you and it's not fair to him either. These are always difficult situations but I think sometimes people need to be a little selfish when it comes to relationships. If you are no longer getting anything out of this relationship, then it's time to move on. Just because you aren't attracted to him romantically anymore doesn't mean he's not still an important person in your life.

    You just probably need to end things and then, hopefully with time, he can still be in your life, just fulfilling a different role as "friend" instead of "boyfriend." It would be great for him to still be involved in your child's life as well. I just feel like if you aren't happy in a relationship with him then there's nothing you can do to force yourself to be happy and it's probably a sign that the relationship has run its course. It will probably suck for a while but I think eventually, you will realize that it was the right thing to do.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Well if you're not happy, why aren't you happy? It sounds like you listed everything good about him. Please don't be one of these typical women who complain they can never find a nice guy but when they do they kick him to the curb.

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    • ops pressed the down arrow meant the other one, sorry im knew to this. no im not one of those woman at all. im just going through a really difficult patch in my life because we have been talking about getting a home having a child getting a puppy etc but these thoughts in my head just won't settle and its so hard because like i said he is brilliant but im not attracted to him anymore and its ruining everything :(

    • Well then you need to decide what to do. Keep him because he's a nice guy, or leave him because he's not attractive to you anymore.

      Maybe there's another underlying problem. Have you told him any of this? Maybe you two should go to couple's counseling if there are other problems.

What Girls Said 2

  • No, sweetie, you have done the right thing. By staying where you are 'Unhappy' is only going to make you Both Miserable and That is Certainly not a healthy environment for anyone, especially your 5 year old.
    Although it breaks your heart to 'see him cry,' don't let it tug on your heart strings. Give yourselves this Break Up barrier now and perhaps in time, when things have calmed down, you can come to some comfy compromise of just Being----Friends with No benefits.
    You can't make everyone happy. And to be in a one sided relationship, even if it was the Prince of England, doesn't work if you are Not Into it... Perhaps your heart is telling you it's time For----Changing of the guards in time.
    Good luck. xx

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    • a few people have said to me if your not happy now you probably never will be so pretty much what you have said. i can't bear the thought of how much he is hurting, this has got to be the most painful thing i have ever had to do :(

    • Yes, of course it is painful, never an easy task... It kills you inside because you do have a heart and you are hurting as much a shim... Perhaps if you both talk of a compromise for your 5 year old and him and you to be friends... But lay the law down there is nothing more... For now, let him alone to think and to mend for now, then when things have calmed down a bit, have a long talk... Unless you just want t let go altogether for the best, then let him go and---Let God... xx

  • You've been with him 3 years and you couldn't tell him you weren't attracted to him then? But you let him partially raise your son and even though 3yrs you have been with him your just not attracted? Have you slept with him? I swear some of these questions are getting better and better lol xD

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    • that's really nice of you to make fun of someone that is really hurting thanks a lot. i didn't specify wether i had a son or daughter! of course we have slept together what kind of stupid question is that?, the attraction has faded and as much as i want it to be there i don't know how to bring it back to light as we have been trying for the last year and a half, he is happy and so is my daughter. i already feel like the worlds worst gf right now and i came on here for advice i don't need people like you making the situation worst. if your not going to say anything helpful or reassuring then don't bother saying anything at all.

    • You do sound like you do care for him but I'm just saying 3 years and to take multiple breaks... but maybe instead of a week why don't you actually take time apart without interaction to really think everything through you may surprise yourself that it wasn't what either of you thought it was in the first place. Try seeing if you even seriously want to be with other people. Most couples naturally need breaks from each other anyways because it's who we are as people we need time for ourselves. Take time to reflect before you make the ultimate decision of ending your relationship. The only issue you will run into is if your daughter is attached to him.

    • she is very attached to him and him to her. i dont know what to do anymore. just can't stop bloody crying :(

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