Yesterday a 3 year relationship of mine ended. And now I'm trying to find ways to get out of my own head. I think I might write a blog?

I know most people will think that a long term relationship means very little when you’re 20. But she was there when I transitioned from an adolescent to a young adult. She helped me get through university and work on a career. And as friends fleeted in and out of my life, she was the one constant factor I could always depend on.

I guess that it’s not the end of the relationship or the pain this heartbreak has caused that I find to be the worst part. The worst part it easily just how scared I am. I’ve never been single as a young adult, I have no idea how to respond to people asking me what I’m going to do. I’m in a whole new town with only a handful of friends and for the first time I feel like I’m going to have to face the big scary world on my own. I had plans and dreams - I still do - but I feel like a face has been cut out of every future photograph I take. We used to talk about moving, getting dogs and what jobs we’d do; now all I can see her as is wasted time and effort. We live together which makes it even worse.

I don’t hate her, or at least I don’t think I do. Honestly, I saw it coming - It feels horrible for me to type that or think it - but it’s true. Over the past few months, as we’ve been approaching the end of university, it has become clear that a lot of our values are out of sync. But still all the terms of endearment bounce around inside my head, the memories and moments we shared are permanently scarred onto my mind. I’m in so much pain.

I just need someone to tell me it's going to be okay…

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It broke my heart reading this, I'm really sorry that this happened to you. To put this advice simply; time heals all wounds. Time is what you need to deal with what has happened. I don't know how long it will take, it could be months or it could be years. But your heart will mend itself and life will continue and this will all just be a distant memory. One that you won't forget, but one that you will view as a lesson and will cross your mind time to time. Everything in life is either a blessing or a lesson, remember that.
    But for now, realise you need to give yourself time to be angry, upset, confused and/or any other emotion you may be feeling. It's more than normal to feel these emotions and its healthy to let it all out. You need to allow yourself to do this as its apart of the healing process. The next important part is you need to talk about your feelings, which is also a method of coping. Tell whoever you trust, or anyone you want to tell. Write down your feelings, as that helps me so much. Create a blog, like you said. That's a perfect idea. Writing will strip you of your weights. When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. But remember that you still have a future and new memories will replace and heal the old ones. There's a reason this relationship never worked out, and once you are ready to move on you can be excited for the new memories and people that are waiting for you. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. This chapter in your life has ended, however you still have a whole novel to write. I wish you all the best, and I want you to realise everything will be okay, even if you can't see it right now. It will be okay. If you ever want to talk, please message me. I am more than happy to just be there for advice or someone to talk to. I hope I have helped you in some way. xox

    • that is extremely good advice

    • Show All
    • I am so grateful for this reply. It both gave me hope and made me smile for a bit, Thank you so much x

    • This made me so happy to hear because even the slightest bit of hope can make a world of difference. You are more than welcome, wish you all the best! xoxo

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What Girls Said 4

  • Writing is a good way to get your feelings out. When you are totally depressed or hurting, its good to not bottle it up. I say write and talk to friends and family. Unfortunately it takes time to get over a long relationship.
    Some advice from an older woman, learn a lesson from this situation. Reflect on the good times and bad times and think about how you can make things better in future relationships. You are young, so embrace your youth and go gave fun with it!!

  • You seem like such a good guy and I would talk it out also have fun with the boys too.

  • Time heals all wounds. The stages of breaking up are a lot like the stages of grieving when someone dies. You feel sad first, then guilty and angry, but eventually you get to a point where you're renewed and move on. Just embrace that process for what it is. You are not alone in it.

    At 20, you're entering a decade where you have great freedom, possibilities, and energy. Hopefully, you don't waste too much of it grieving for her. That's why blogging is a good idea since it's cathartic.

    When you reach that point where you're ready to move on, you'll realize that your relationship with her was not a complete waste. I believe you meet people in life for a reason. Every person you meet and date helps you grow as a person and gets you one step closer to finding your right match.

  • It will be ok but wow it's only been a day or so.
    Allow yourself some time to be sad about this, don't pressure yourself to be fine right away.

    Just becuase your 20 doesn't make the relationship you have come out of any less significant.
    Infact, it may even be harder due to your age. You have had less time to learn how you personally deal with situations like this.

    I think writting down your feelings is a great idea. Although I'm not sure about it being public. Pen to paper is a good healer. Keep what you right. In a few weeks read the first things you wrote. If it still hurts and you are still in that place keep them, put them away. Then bring them back out again and read them another time. One day you will read them and realise you arn't in that place anymore, that will make you feel good. So then find somewhere quiet outside and burn it!

    You don't need to feel ok right away. But I promise in time you will feel better, then ok then you will feel amazing.
    Whilst you may not share your life with that person now, you have so many hopes and dreams you can accomplish so start foccusing on what you want from your life. Start to live your dreams wide awake.

    For sure after a week or so go out and see friends, do your favourite hobby or get a new one. drag yourself out even if you don't want to. Tell people how you are feeling get it off your cheast.
    Act happy if your not. Have fun even if deep down you feel aweful.
    It is amazing how acting you feel a certain way can acutually make you feel it.

    It was 3 years, it's been one day. Things will bounce around in your head for a bit, it's only natural.
    But one day you will look back on it all and smile and realise, actually yeah I am ok. I'm fucking amazing infact!

    • Thank you so much for your advice, this was so re-assuring to read. :)

What Guys Said 1

  • Hell dude, she did you a favor! You're just now entering the best decade of your life. You only live through your 20's once. You two dated and shared a good experience, but now it's time for you to move on. You will find love time and time again, but right now you need to just focus on enjoying life!

    • BTW, blogging would be a great escape. This site can be perfect for that.

    • Thanks, and I hope you're right. Currently it feels like the end of the world even though logically I know that's not the case. So grateful for your advice!

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