I overanalyze everything and haven't been able to let her go, I feel stuck and don't know what to do?

(I apologize for length, did my best to be brief!)

I'm 20, and she was the first girl I really cared about, we clicked pretty well, were getting serious and she basically got cold feet and didn't want a relationship. I had the worst time "getting over her" and it took a few months of 0 contact, including no fb/twitter. Even through this time she was always the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last at night.

Now that school has started again, I see her in passing between classes quite regularly, almost daily. I always make an effort to say "Hi soandso" (I think it's stupid when people act like they don't know each other) and usually don't get much other than a "hey" back. However these little interactions have brought the butterflies rushing back to me. And as pathetic as it is, last week when we were about to pass each other on the sidewalk she was the one saying "hi" to me first and actually said my name too, and had a really big smile on her face, and it made me feel so damn good, but also got my hopes up.

Now I know I'm reading way too much into this, and the truth is that even when I felt "over" her, it was by taking solace in the idea that maybe somewhere down the road things would be different. And because of these little run-ins I've started convincing myself that she may still like me.

I just feel stuck, because I guess deep down I know that I can't control what happens in the future and it's not worth worrying/thinking about as much as I do, and so being hopeful like I am is probably more harm than good. Another thing is that I don't really even think I'm ready for a relationship at this point in my life, as I do love my independence, (which is coincidentally similar to what she said she felt at the time we ended).

What I mean by all this is that I really want to try things with her again, yet feel that would be a mistake both for pride and that I'm not sure I'd even be ready to be in a healthy relationship with another person


Most Helpful Girl

  • Move on, for now. Play the field my friend. Hang out with girls, go to parties. And for heavens sake walk to class a different way, at least sometimes. You already know it would be a mistake and unhealthy. She rejected you and you disconnected with her for a REASON. So, for now, move on and if both of you become friends again and develop more mutual and genuine feelings, then give it a second shot. But don't let any girl consume you.

    • I agree you're very right that I need to meet new girls. I just find that difficult because like I said I'm not really looking to be in anything serious, and because of that I feel like I'm being disingenuous or deceitful whenever I talk to a new girl. Also, unfortunately I compare every girl to her, and that's not fair to do to anyone. And so I end up writing them all off and just feeling it's not worth the effort or that I'd be misleading them. I realize I'm mostly making excuses for myself, but I really don't know what to do about that aspect, and like I can't bring myself to talk to girls that I don't feel interested in I guess, maybe I'm wrong for feeling that?

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What Girls Said 1

  • I've been here with a guy before, I asked him out but he wanted to be friends. It was tough at frist considering I didn't even think of him as just a friend but I stuck with it. For five more months we were just friends and I acted like I held in my feelings. Then one day he asked me out, he said he started liking me because I was so chill with just being friends. Mu guess not trying to hard to be in a relationship and just being yourself is the way to go. Don't try to treat her like a girl friend but as a friend.

    • Wow, 5 months? I don't know how you managed to pull that off. I guess in my mind I feel/know that I'll never be satisfied being just friends with her, so I feel like that would be kind of dishonest, i don't know though? Realistically we haven't actually talked beyond greetings in over six months so it's not really like we're friends as it is

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't see how anyone can be "not ready for a relationship". We are always primed to mate between puberty and about age 30. Mate, feed, kill, repeat, amirite?


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