I need help understanding my ex-boyfriend's mixed messages?

My ex and I broke up roughly a month ago. We go to the same school and see each other very often (we have multiple classes together). When we just broke up, he stressed how much he wanted to be friends, but that he just needed some space until he "felt better about things." He mentioned that he has faith in us becoming friends because we share so many classes with one another. So, with all that said, I gave him space. Then, a class retreat of ours was coming up, and I casually asked him if he felt comfortable being friendly with one another on the retreat. He told me he wasn't sure yet if he wanted to be friends or not, and couldn't tell me why he wasn't sure. When the retreat came along, he approached me out of nowhere to ask how i've been doing. We ended up having a decent and casual talk one-on-one, and towards the end he let me know that he's been focusing on friends and has come to terms that we didn't work out. The following weeks at school he hasn't gone out of his way to speak to me, but we have had very minimal and casual confrontations. However, just this past week, he said something rather misogynistic about women being manipulative... when he said it, I was sitting directly behind him, so he was fully aware that I could hear. I was rather annoyed and approached him later that day to ask if it was directed at me, and he eagerly explained that it had nothing to do with me. When I said I just want us to be friendly, he said "well yeah but it's kind of difficult being friends." That same night, he texted me explaining how bad he felt about his misogynistic comment and told me he hopes I know that he doesn't think im manipulative. I was very nice about it and told him not to worry -- he kept texting me and we ended up having a really friendly conversation about many topics for an hour on text. but after that he hasn't spoken to me at school. why did he go from saying it's difficult being friends, to texting me for an hour, to not speaking to me at school?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah he did send you a lot of mixed signals. I think he texted you for an hour because he felt bad for what he said. To be honest I think maybe some of it could had been directed at you because if he knew you was around then he really had no reason to mention it or say it around you if it wasn't directed at you. I think him texting for that hour was him feeling bad for saying it. I think it's tough hanging around an ex in general. And i do think it sucks that you have so many classes with him. I don't think he is happy and he if putting up a front pretending. I don't think he is fully over you. I think him not speaking to you at school is his way of trying to move on.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like he just isn't sure what to do with you.
    He likes the idea of being friends, but it's clearly still difficult for him. This is why he keeps saying he wants it, tries it, then backs out afterwards. Those "tries" may be very difficult for him.
    Honestly, I'd continue giving him space.
    Trying to be friends *right now* just isn't working yet.

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What Guys Said 1

  • The bigger question is, Who cares? He's your ex. Never deal with them or try to figure it out. As you see from this wall of text you've typed, it causes nothing but confusion and drama.

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