Why does a guy say he's not ready for a serious relationship?

My ex bf seems to be back and forth with me and even when I say im going to keep my distance he tells me not to.. what's going on? If you've told somebody that what would really be the reason? Please help


Most Helpful Guy

  • Either he isn't convinced that you're "the one" (or at least, "a" one) for him, OR he really just isn't ready for a serious relationship.

    Girls have trouble understanding this because, for most women, getting a relationship is THE GOAL - it's the relationship that they really want. Guys generally don't work that way, especially when they're young (under 30 in modern society). Yes, guys want sex, and they want comfort and closeness, but they don't want the RESPONSIBILITY or the LIMITATIONS and EXPECTATIONS that come with a relationship. They don't want to have to go to your family reunions, or get in a fight if they look at another girl, or have to call you every time they want to stay out late. Despite wanting and enjoying intimacy, their FREEDOM is their top priority.

    Eventually, most men mature and are ready to settle down and are prepared to trade their freedom for the benefits of a relationship, but in today's world, that doesn't tend to happen to most men until their early 30s.

    Your ex hasn't reached that point yet - he still wants his freedom, but he still enjoys intimacy (not just sex [though that's a big part of it], but also closeness and spending time together), and if he can get that from you with without the responsibility of a relationship, then he's happy. If not, then he's probably going to choose his freedom over a relationship, meaning he'd rather lose you than take on the responsibilities and expectations of a relationship.

    • Yeah your right but what's hard for me to understand is why if a guy can see how much a girl is trying i wld think he wld say I better take care of this girl.. she's really trying.. not only that but when we are alone together he has hugged and kissed me before and just recently when I asked about us he told me "dnt force it" he saw i was hurt he gave me a hug and a peck on my lips. I've told him before just tell me you dnt care it be easier on me and he says "obviously I still do" he's so confusing and what's harder is he works with me so I see him all the time. he expects me to be all smiles and we even eat lunch together but recently I feel i should stay away but I also dnt want him to say I have a chip on my shoulder and like he said he doesn't want me to be distant

    • Again, you're having trouble accepting that he is prioritizing his freedom, even though he likes the intimacy too, but that's actually VERY common for guys in their 20s. You need to accept that most guys have different goals and desires, and don't put "having a relationship" as their top priority, or even in their Top 10 in many cases.

      Nothing you can do is going to change that, and as long as you keep trying, he's going to have leverage over you and can exploit your feelings. That's dangerous for you, emotionally, and you need break this off and move on with your life. Find someone willing to commit to a relationship BEFORE you allow yourself to get too close or too attached, because it's too late otherwise - you've lost all your leverage.

    • Yeah I see what you mean.. I guess I just fear that if I dnt show him I'm around we are going to grow distant. Right now he's still around.. but like you said I guess it's because he knows I'm waiting for him.. I've never ever wanted anything more in my life than this right now. I really hope he sees how much I care for him because I know I have so much to offer.. id marry him in a heartbeat

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What Guys Said 3

  • guys have emotions like you do but are made to hide it but the same time were a testosterone fulled mess.
    it kinda means he likes you but would still have the opportunity to maby hook up with a "hotter" girl
    but thats just speculation (thats what i mean in the first line) it can be anything

    • Ughh i think your right why do guys not think though this girl is rereally ring to be with me I better not let her go...:( why dnt they think she might not be waiting forever

    • because most guys honestly lack the ability to feel apathy for others like their not being rude or mean they just don't know how to feel what someone else is feeling

  • He wants to keep his options open.

    • Even if he hugs and kisses me on his own and asks me to stay when I say im going to keep my distance?

    • Yes, he wants to keep you around so he has an option. If you are gone that's not possible.

    • Guess the hardest part but the necessary thing to do is show him I'm not going to be waiting for him.. i just dnt want him to be like guess she didn't care as much as she said she did to not wait

  • he just wants to keep u around for sex


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