I want to break up, but I know he will kill himself if I do!

I love him, he loves me, but i am NOT happy with him! i can't focus on my studies (next few months are going to decide my career). He fights with me on every little thing (actually he just gets upset a lot and then i have to talk to him etc etc and i am tired of it) We've been friends for almost a year now and dating for last 4 months... He really loves me, but he cries (yes he kinda cries a lot) almost everyday because of me and when I ask him "are you happy with me?" He always says "Yes". The thing is, his parents have screwed him so bad, he consider me as his only "family". He is totally emotionally dependent on me!
problem is, he is not going to break up with me, i'll have to do it. Recently we had a big fight and I told him everything about how I felt he treated me.. by then I had decided that I was going to leave him, but my friend told him and he apologised. But then, I didn't feel anything, I said "ok I forgive you" but I realize now that I don't love him anymore.
But if I break up, he's going to be alone (he still had friends but no one as close as me), he won't do well in his academics, and its a crucial time for him too! And he threatens me that if I leave him he'll kill himself (not directly, after our recent fight when I said I forgive him but didn't act normally, he was really upset and said "you are not lettinf me fix things" and then gave me STRONG hints that he will kill himself soon in a few minutes... i talked to him on phone for 2 hrs! I APOLOGISED ! And then things went to normal, and now he keeps doing that)
what do I do? I am not happy with him!! I care about him

Updates:
We are just 17 by the way
His parents are not close to him, and he has no one to talk to

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19

Most Helpful Guy

  • well you have two choices right now.
    1. if you do care , you'll try your best to stay with him and take care of him, change him if you need to but at the same time focus on studies. this may be hard for you but at least you helped him;
    2. leave him cuz his actions are not your responsibility, plus if its your studies that you care a lot about, then go study, just leave him but do not and i repeat DO NOT leave him hurt that he already is.
    figure out weather you still love him or not. think girl think!!! GLHF XD

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just break up with him. If he kills himself that is NOT your fault. He is guilting you into staying with him. It's not right that there are 2 unhappy people in a relationship. You aren't married to him. Dump him and be happy. I have dealt with the same kind of thing before except I was the one who wanted to die. I didn't guilt the guy into staying with me though. I didn't even tell him how I felt about it.

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What Guys Said 8

  • I know it must be hard for you but he is manipulating you.. Let's be real here, if he says he is going to kill himself he has got a lot more problems in his life then just the problems between you and him. He needs therapy. And let's be real, he's not stupid, if you told him you don't love him anymore he can so what "force" you to stay with him by saying these things but I doubt it'll satisfy him. There is one thing you need to keep in mind: Whatever happens to him, is not your responsibility. The actions and things he wants to do are his own choices. I understand that you don't want him to kill himself and he might be bluffing but you never know that for sure.

    What I'm trying to say is: You are not responsible for the choices he makes, breaking up is never fun but he has mental issues he needs to sort out first before getting in a relationship.. he is not mentally stable. Try talking to a suicide hotline about this, I wish I could help you more but I'm not experienced with cases like this. Just keep in mind: He is not your responsibility and he makes his own choices, he is not stable and needs help from a proffesional.

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  • First of all, he is extremely DEPRESSED.
    Second of all, he needs a REAL HELP.
    tell him to (talk to someone really soon and get his shit together or you will leave him) a lot of depressed individuals lives are turned around if they get help.
    If he agrees to do it, and you want to stay with him, then hang around little more.
    If he keeps behaving like a total ass, just leave or else he will drag you down.

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  • First, anyone who will hurt themselves due to a breakup is not emotionally healthy enough to be in a relationship. If you think this is a real concern and not idle words call a professional to help him.

    The longer you stay with him the worse it will get and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with him..

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  • If you really care about him, you will let go of him. And try helping him find some psychiatric help. he's obviously mentally unbalanced and will probably harm you and maybe even your family unless he gets checked and given the proper medication

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  • Honestly that is not on you... You can't be responsible for another persons actions. Go cold turkey on his ass (no talking, no meeting, etc). This will force him to either sink or swim. Humans naturally sink and he will move on eventually.

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  • Do you have anyone you can talk to? If not your parents, a psychologist at your school perhaps?

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    • No, no one... i need to handle this alone... but how?

    • What if you were honest with him, and told him that you cannot be in a relationship right now, and that you are concerned about him, and want him to promise you that he won't hurt himself as he has threatened to do.

      If he argues against breaking up, tell him that this is something you need, and that if he cares for you he will not make it more difficult, even if he doesn't agree or understand.

  • Not your problem. Do it.

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  • I wish I didn't have to post anonymously but Holy Shit, so thought I was the only one in this situation. I want to be happy too! But I'm too selfless to just end it.

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