Ex gf problems... opinions appreciated if you want to read through it?

I dated a girl for a few years (was engaged), raised her kid for a few years then we broke up. We always kept in touch and somewhat friendly, we loved each other, we just had a really bad breakup because we were basically kids, 22 years old, but our families hate each other because of it. We got really close, really fast bc right after starting dating she got really sick and we found out she had cancer (cured while we were still together). Through that I found out I was going to be the only one there for her bc her father left when she was a baby and her mother moved onto a new marriage and family later and would yell at her to quit faking sick. She's about to lose her house and be broke with a kid bc her boyfriend is going to jail, her mother... who clears a half mil a year... instead of helping her says, "you can go to a woman's shelter til you get on your feet"

She called me crying and I want to just go give her a hug and make sure everything's ok.. I've never been this lost on something in my life.

Basics of it all, I don't want her and her son to live a horrible life and not be there when I could help... I just don't know how to help him, without hurting myself.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The best thing to do is to help her like let her stay at your place for a while until she's like okay. i mean i know the kid is not yours but its not his fault that he's going through all of that. if that were my kid i would want some help especially from someone i loved. and her bf isn't really going to do much cause that dumb ass is in jail._. i say you help her you obviously still care for her

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    • We always had an understanding that we didn't want the breakup to affect him, even when we didn't get along after it all, we spent Christmas together so he could have a good one and get all the presents he wanted and have some sort of a family day, I still care about her but I hate the fact that he's going to lose his house and not think that anybody cares about him

    • Thats cute like im glad you guys did that cause kids dont deserve to go through that. But I don't know man think about it cause your dissision can affect a life of a kid

Most Helpful Guy

  • I learned this the hard way.. when my GF broke up with me (yes she broke up with me) we both were shattered, she cried and I just held her for a long time. I continued being there for her because it felt "right". After a while she started dating this other guy and who would've guessed that I wasn't that important after that.. Guess who was the one left broken and shattered all alone in the end?

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    • Exact same here.. whats giving me trouble is the kid that called me dad for over a year is going to get lost in all this shit. I don't want that to happen to him

    • Yes, the biggest reason people hold on is because you have a life together or because you've been through so much together. People value the history they share and it is understandable, but you also have to look at the future and be realistic. I guess you could say that you and her are a perfect example of a breakup where you both were able to stay friends with eachother (correct me if I'm wrong). I don't know how you two are looking at the situation at the moment or if you still want her back. But considering you are now friends and you both are okay with that (again correct me if I'm wrong) the least you can do is mentally support her through the hard times, be a listener when she needs someone to talk to etc.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I would help her regardless of getting hurt or not! I did that before for a friend and would do it again.

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  • If you can, try and separate your feelings for her and the child, and just help her as a person who genuinely cares about another person. If she needs help, help her but you need to set a limit for what you are comfortable with as well. I'm not sure if she broke up with you or you broke up with her but there may still be feelings there and you need to set the boundaries before hand that you can't save her, she has to work on her problems each one at a time. There are options for single mothers, so make a plan and it will all work out. GL!

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  • just help her cause if you don't, you will still get hurt. personally, i could never turn my back if i have deep feelings for the person even if i don't get anything from it in return. there will be no other option for me but to help.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not your place to help her. The basis of your relationship before is you wanted to be her knight in shining armor, after that was over and she didn't need you anymore things grew stale and you broke up.
    She's in need again and you want to be her knight "again". She needs to confide in her friends. Someone who is not her ex. And you need to detach yourself because your emotions for her are too strong. You won't be able to handle this situation without it hurting you

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