How to tell my girlfriend that I'm gay?

I'm 17 and I've been with my girlfriend for two years. I love her, but not in the way I originally thought I did. I'm not attracted to her sexually and only love her like family/friends.

Recently, I got really turned on by seeing other men nude in a public shower so decided to experiment with some guys in chat rooms and on skype. I know this is wrong to do this to my girlfriend and is cheating but I had to know if I was gay before I did anything rash.

Now I'm 100% sure I'm gay and I just don't know how to tell her, she loves me. We're so close and I want to remain close as friends and want to cause the least amount of pain to her as possible so we can both move on and I can start my search for a boyfriend.

Please help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just tell her the truth, lies will only make it more painful. Also tell her you still want to be friends with her if she's willing. But please let her find a guy that can love her the way she wants to be loved. I have no idea where you could get a boyfriend I'm straight, but see if theirs any gay clubs in your city.

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What Girls Said 7

  • The fact is that she's going to be hurt - I know you want to avoid that, but it's simply going to happen. You care for her very deeply and she means the world to you, but you've realized that you are not who you thought you were. As hard as it will be for her to understand in the short-term, telling her is absolutely the right choice. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to continue a relationship based on false premises.

    Be straight forward, don't be patronizing, let her be angry. Whether you get to keep her as a friend or never speak to her again is up to her. There's no way to control her response and she is allowed to feel however she will about it. Realize that, even if she is ok with being friends? It's going to take time to reach that point. It may mean months or even years of barely speaking to reestablish the distance a friendship vs. a romantic relationship needs.

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  • Look, I love you but I'm not IN love with you. I don't think I ever will be.

    You don't have to tell her you're gay right off the bat.

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  • Tell her the truth. She's going to be pissed. But over time you might be able to go back to being friends.

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  • That's wonderful that you have come to terms with it. Have you & your gf had sex before? If so, did you get emotional satisfaction if not sexual?

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  • Bandaid I say. Just make sure she knows its not her fault and that its always been there on some level (even if it hasnt, say it anyway, we get insecure about this shit) and that you still love her and wanna stay close.

    Good luck babes!

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  • Maybe start with the question 'have you ever wondered why I never tried to sleep with you?' ?

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  • Tell her you love her. And because you love her, you can't keep on hurting her by living a lie. Then tell her the truth. Don't overthink it it would make it even make you even more tense. Take a deep breath before you do so. Just open your mouth and whatever flows out, let it flow out.

    I tried my best. Good luck.

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