How do I move on from a break up that happened months ago?

Hi everyone. I was with my bf for 6 months long distance. He really believed in our relationship and always said how he has a good feeling about us and thinks we will last. He was the first guy I dated in 4 years since my last bf and I thought maybe he was the one.

We had our first fight a month into our relationship which was partially resolved. I then went backpacking in Europe for 3 months and it made long distance harder due to the larger time difference and bad wifi signals. We ended up fighting heaps partly coz he didn't want to resolve our issues but I wanted to talk things through rather than pretend everything was ok. Our arguments dragged on for 2 weeks! I still had 2 months left of my trip and I wanted to enjoy myself but I wasn't happy so I broke it off. He knew I had been thinking about ending things with him. At first he would argue back saying "is this really how you want to end things?". But during our final argument, I told him I wanted to end it he just said "if that's what you want".

I deleteed him off fb or else I would have been tempted to look at his profile or message him. I emailed him a week later to apologize for the abrupt break up (it occurred during his uni exam period) and never heard from him. A month later I emailed him to ask for my stuff back but he refused calling me selfish and that he won't put up with my selfishness. I also realized that he had blocked me on fb at some point.

We broke up 4 months ago and after coming back home from my travels I thought I would be ok. I still miss him a lot. I visited him before heading to Europe and that was the last time I saw him. When we spoke while I was travelling it was always through Skype calling not video messaging. It's hard knowing that all the fighting and the breakup happened through voice calling rather than in person or video calling.

Updates:
I feel like he must hate me to have blocked me on fb. He's not the type to delete or block people, not even his exs who cheated on him!

I'm still struggling coming to terms with the break up since it wasn't face to face etc. Any advice?

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What Guys Said 2

  • You could continue to wallow in self-pity and regret, or you could be proactive in your search for closure. Although attaining closure is not your primary objective, correct? You want to rewrite history. Or, correct it if you will. You want him and the relationship back.

    Why not swallow your pride and attempt to contact him with a genuine offer of an apology for your part in the breakup? And go from there.

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    • Hi there, I don't want to get back together with him. The break up timing was awkward because I was away with a tour group and wasn't able to video call him properly. Our fights and break up happened over the phone. I'd only want to be friends with him but he obviously doesn't want to as he blocked me on Facebook and didn't reply to me when I apologised for the abrupt break up. I just don't know what to do to get over the break up. I thought he was the one but I know we weren't right for each other. I don't want to date because I'm not ready yet and it won't be fair to any guy.

    • I understand. The only definitive solutions to get over a breakup that I'm aware of are accepting it for what is and giving yourself time grieve and recover. Feelings for someone cannot be rushed or flushed out. With regard to him; perhaps he, himself, needs more time to get over the breakup before he is able to speak to you without feeling resentment or anger. Try contacting him down the road.

  • Try dating again and meet someone you like

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