K, guys this is my issue, I have been in a relationship for 27 years and dont know what to do about my situation?

k, guys this is my issue, sorry its so long, well the last 4/5 years have been downhill, my common law husband is very jealous and controlling even though he doesn't see it, i can't do it anymore i can't handle it, in the years we have been together we have had 4 children i have lost all my friends (because he wouldn't let me talk to them) the only people i talk to are my sisters and he gets pissed off when i do that cause i dont need to talk to them about our personal lives which i don't, well for years whenever we would get in a fight the first thing he would say to me is i fuckin hate you , i don't want you in my life and i haven't for a while, you're stupid, you're a bitch you're useless, the emotional abuse has driven me to fall out of love with him and there is no sexual attraction to him anymore he only wants sex when he's drunk, yeah that makes me feel good!. so i joined a chat site to try and find people to talk to and I became friends with a woman and her husband, well she made me feel really good about myself and one thing lead to another and she asked if i would ever sext we decided to experiment and we sexted one night , well, I decided maybe i will try it, he caught me, I didn't do it because i am attracted to women or want to be a swinger i just did it to try it, but when he thought it was just a woman it was fine, but then i found out from her her husband had joined in but i didn't know that at the time, so i told him and just because a man was involved all hell broke loose, well we then got in a fight about it and so i admitted to him i am not in love with him anymore and i have no sexual attraction to him anymore but he thinks i should stay and make things work? he keeps asking me question i tell him and all he says to me is your lying, how can someone else turn you on if i dont thats not possible,
what would you do and do you think i should stay? TBH i really dont want to, i just want an opinion from another male well females too.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Leave him. You don't wanna waste your life more dear. go out and do what makes you happy. cause its only one life you gotta do what makes you happy. :) If you need any support or ask anything at all just message me :)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • There is no real problem. The moment you choose to live with someone outside of marriage and have children outside the contract of marriage you accepted being less than 1.

    You know that legally your rights are choppy. If you had to go to court you would have to admit to being a fool to obtain any type of benifits and then it is a big uphill struggle.

    When you plant the seeds of bad times to come and your crop comes in why are you blaming him?

    Have you ever considered learning the rules of engagment and go to church.

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  • You've got a communication breakdown.
    You talk but he doesn't listen or tries to deny what's happening. Make it clear to him that it's serious, it's real, he must listen and understand, and denying it will just put an end to the relationship.
    That's about your only chance of repairing what's wrong. If he won't listen and understand, there's no chance.

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  • Leave him. If he has changed that much in your life then he is taking you for granted and my gosh you are a beautiful woman who deserves better than him. Leave him and talk to your kids about the divorce and let them know its not their fault and just straight leave him.

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    • well my kids are older and my youngest are 14, set of twins they have actually told me they would prefer us to seperate, because we fight so much and they see how it is and dont like it but now they dont hate their dad they just hate the way he treats me they have told him that and automatically he says i have turned them on him.

  • Well it's his fault that he can't take care of your needs and make you feel good. It's your fault too why you did something like that and you have a husband so why. You two have to work out your problems don't leave him talk to him fully honestly you two have kids think what impression they will get on their mind and if you really don't care about anything then leave him. Don't just make any type of teenage decision ok. Good luck

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  • Find a therapist you can get to. Because the emotional abuse you've suffered is going to cause more problems, and having someone to talk to who knows how to listen and how to help is v valuable.

    And get the hell out of there - that's a dangerous place for you (and your kids). Can you move in with your sisters? Do it. Take what's yours and most valuable to you and go.

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  • Leave him... tons of guys out there

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  • sorry i dint read that thing coz what wondered me is the site shows that you're between 18 to 24 but question mentioned that you've been in relation ship for 27 years? can u elaborate how is it 27 years?

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    • May have meant months, and typed years instead... I often do that, absentmindedly, but yeah, I looked at this question and her age and was like, 'wtf... you were in a relationship when you were -3?

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    • i want to know if there is a way to change my age cause a lot ask the same thing and i wanna change it cause its annoying

  • Leave him
    u are a pretty good lady u can find someone other ., its ur life do where u can find peace and hapiness

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What Girls Said 2

  • leave his stupid ass! there are men every where that would treat you better then him.

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  • Goodness me, I am sorry you have been in such an awedul situation for so long. In those 27 years you must realise by now he is not going to change. I thyink you already know what you want to do. Leave. I also believe it is the best thing to. You don't even need to explain why, just go. You have already explained to him, yes he might be saying lets make things work, but this is working only his way. His way or no way. Through control and emotional abuse. If you can bear putting up with that another 27 years, stay.
    You have put up with this long enough. You are incontrol of your future, if you stay it is your choice to be in a controlling and abusive relationship. He has got used to it being that way, and you have gone along with it.
    You can be happier than this, you can have a happier life and relationship than this, but it is up to you to walk away. It is up to you to be responsible for your own happiness.
    Get out of there, keep it on the low. Make a plan. Ring your sisters when you are out the house and tell them.
    Find someway of supporting yourself and your children, find somewhere to live. Then leave.

    Get yourself some new friends, and if you feel like it write to some of the old ones to appologise explane and see if they reconnect. https://www.meetup.com/cities/ca/

    This 'marriage' sounds toxic, you don't seem to want to be in it anymore, but unless you are brave and leave him then nothing will change.

    Ask yourself what you want and where you want to be in 10 years time?
    Is it really still in this situation or is it looking back proud of yourself to have the stregnth to walk away and start again?

    Nothing will change unless you make it happen. Start taking responsibility for your own happiness. Now.

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