Can you really give a relationship a second chance?

Basically my ex has been asking to date and start fresh after we broke up 5 months ago, he got close to someone else and hurt me shit loads by rubbing my face in it and slept around and felt the need to tell me the details and blamed his change in personality on me as I wasn't "giving him enough attention" yet recently he has been asking to give things another go despite having girls stay at our flat we once shared and lying to them telling them he's alone when he's with me, there's more things he has done but I'd be here all day writing them :-/ so can you really give a relationship a second chance when the ex claims he loves me and has changed and wants to settle down and grow up or is it all a lie?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well... you are going to HATE this opinion... but the chances that it would work out the second time around is 0.01%. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.
    BUT... my guess is that you already know this. From your profile picture, you are a beautiful girl, and the fact that you even "question" giving someone that did you wrong a second chances tells so much about you ability to care for someone and find the good in people and in life. It's too often that girls with those type of personalities get hurt over and over and never have the chance to be happy... because they just keep giving that "second chance".
    I think it's time that you have your FIRST chance at being with someone that will treat you with respect, loyalty, and give allow you to have 100% trust in them. And this cannot be that guy... it simply will never work. And again... you already know this.
    This guy may love the THOUGHT of you, but if he truly loved YOU, he would not have done what he did... period. No matter how you flip, spin, or twist it... that's the fact. Would you have do the same thing to him? Why not? Because you loved him? Now that makes sense doesn't it?
    The biggest disadvantage now is that he's going to play on your kindness until he convinces you to do what he wants.
    Now to be fair, there is that 0.01% chance... however small that is... it's still a chance. The ultimate choice is yours regardless of anyone's opinion. You have to be happy with your choices. You can always give it a try if you can stand the potential for additional pain and time lost with the wrong person.
    Personally, I would move on to the better quality that you deserve. But I'm not you, and you need to decide for yourself. Good luck in whatever way you walk from here.

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    • Thanks for your kind words, it's always nice to get advice from outsiders as it gives a clearer opinion on the situation, my head agrees with you but my heart needs to catch up, it's an awful feeling not being able to trust someone or be hurt by the one person who you never thought would hurt you :(

    • Yes... it's not a good place to be. Time takes care of everything, but time passes at it's own pace. Stay strong, stay positive, and realize that you are amazing... everyone else can see it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • In short, yes, but it depends on the couple and the circumstances.
    Follow you're heart, but dont forget - it's next to impossble for someone to change the basic charachter!

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  • No you cannot.. Its never the same

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What Girls Said 3

  • Just let him be and move on with your life, a lot of guys will come back when they miss you but sometimes they don't really miss you they miss the "benefits" of being with you or having you in there life. And if you do go back they'll probably just string you along, trust me I've been there. Don't believe what he says just move on with your life. I believe that everyone deserves second chances but not the same mistakes. If it didn't work out the first time why would it work out the second time? Never settle for less than what you deserve in life. I went back to my ex who said he loved me but in reality he just loved the benefits of having me in his life and stringing me along. His problem was he was afraid of commitment, and didn't know what a relationship was, he just liked to say yeah I have a girlfriend but no I don't put any work in our relationship. Trust me you don't deserve him, and he doesn't deserve you. People don't just change in one day, if they want to change they will change for the better. If he wants you in his life he will put you in his life and keep you there. If you were to get back with him he'd probably led you on and then break up with you out of the blue because my ex did that. You deserve someone that will treat you right and treat you with respect. Go out there and find someone that loves you for you, and isn't afraid to put "work" into a relationship, someone that will treat you right and make time for you, etc. Its your choice I know I can't decide for you but that is just my advice. Move on.

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    • Thank you so much for your feed back, it's nice to get advice from someone who has been through the same situation, I guess it's hard to let go after three years but feeling like I'm not good enough for him and the inability to fully trust him again speaks volumes that it wouldn't be a healthy relationship, I appreciate your advice :)

    • No problem your always welcome, I've decided to take a break from relationships, I won't start dating again until I go to college. I would like to date a mature gentlemen, and I would like a relationship that is real and serious. Someone that knows who they want and what they want out of a relationship. I understand its hard, people change but that doesn't the earth stop spinning. My ex and I when we were dating I could tell our relationship was drifting apart and my future with him was very blurry. He's changed a lot though big time, I see that he isn't good for me anymore though. I did all that I could in a relationship I put in all the "work" he in return did nothing for me besides spoil me with sweet words. Its not that you aren't good for him, maybe he doesn't know what he wants or maybe he just isn't ready to tie the knot. Besides its his lost. Don't ever run back to someone that you need to walk away from.

  • It depends on the reasons the relationship failed. With your reasons, I wouldn't go back to him. It'll always be in the back of your mind.

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  • It depends on the reasons for breaking up.

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