3 1/2 years - no ring?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. He moved a year ago - we went slow because he was 31, finishing college - Iraqi War Veteran, GI Bill, folks had no money for college, etc. He's hard working (he's in Grad school and working full-time), loyal and a pretty great guy but a known procrastinator.

I'm 4 years older than my boyfriend and we have discussed both wanting marriage and kids. He knows I'm ready to start down that path immediately and he says it'll happen "soon." The problem: we fought a few months ago about me feeling like I'm always waiting for him and he said he was going to propose on our 3 1/2 year anniversary - it didn't happen. My Dad has a big mouth and also ruined the surprise that my boyfriend MIGHT have been proposing on my 36th bday (July). That didn't happen either. My family is adding a LOT of pressure - "What are you waiting for? When are we going to have grandkids?" etc. The pressure is killing me - every month that goes by, I want to cry and my heart breaks a little more b/c I'm thinking he may just wait until I call it over. I'm worried that my resentment is causing me to love him less, as well. 3-4 years seems to be my limit and God only knows when my body will decide that pregnancy isn't in the cards.

Now at 3 years 7 months, I'm thinking about ending things. He tells me I'm his whole world, that he is getting his Grad degree for "us," to better our situation - he's always looking on the internet at houses we can buy together and he talks about "someday," but I feel like sometime's it's just talk.

How do you know when it is just talk? How do you know when to pull the rug because it isn't ever going to happen? He has no reason to lie to me but there are several projects he never completes - he's the guy who puts things off until?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You are correct about procrastinators who are used to people waiting on them - there's always one more distraction that makes the calendar longer.
    Pressure from others means they are too stupid to help, they push instead... you off the cliff or into him with harm as a result UGH
    Your only solution is to break up? What about another guy? Both stupid as his best offering will be a hurry up half baked lover offering that also kills your/his education future = less work, more pay & time together UGH

    If he can't do a weekly calendar planning session as a couple, then of course get out & go shopping for a real guy. This calendar will eventually put dates on important events for each of you & for both of you as one unit. It's not for open display, others to comment on, it's private and it's a blood brothers deal.

    If everything goes South, then maybe you need to revisit the movie French Kiss


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What Guys Said 3

  • He is not into you. What you are doing wrong is wanting to get married.

    Once he get his degree, you are gone and he will go shopping for someone else. You are too easy for him and he has no problem disappointing you in front of your family.

    Dump him.

  • give him a time frame. "By (date) or I need to move on"

    Or, instead of telling him the date, pick one. And if he hasn't proposed by then... walk away!

  • I had the same problem with my now ex-girlfriend. After a year, she wanted to know where we were going. I promised and assured her everything is going to work out. I promised to bring it up and I never did. It is not that I was not going to do it or that it was talk. It was a giant deal for me to have a good paying job (that I have now) before all this got figured out. I don't know why as a guy it is so important, but its I want to be able to take care of everyone. Unfortunately she drifted away, cheated on me, and I lost her. All I had to do was tell her what I was planning for, just the minor'est of things, and everything would of worked out.


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