Is she not strong enough or did she never care like I thought she did? Why not give me closure?

I dated a girl 5 years. Woman of my dreams. Proposed, we moved in, life happened, she moved back to her city missing home. Wasn't an us problem. We had our issues and bumps but I had made a pact to put it right and was on it. I've come to terms with the fact that she is codependant and a serial monogamist. She can't be alone. loved her regardless. I don't doubt she loved me. Within a month she was back with a hs bf. things went back and forth with us, it was complicated to keep it short. A lot of things were told to me "nothing's the same without you, my feelings haven't changed for you, I hope you don't completely give up on me." The guy dumped her and we sort of reconciled. After two visits all of a sudden "I don't wanna be with anybody I have nothing to offer... neither one of us wants to see the other with someone else...". Then bam, miss I have nothing to offer is back with mr. super clingy and the most encouraging supportive gf etc...9 months later he's her "first and last love". After a few months we got back in touch... I even randomly heard from her on a Friday night... weird. Despite it, I loved her. She's not a bad person. Upon some unsolicited advice to follow my heart, I wrote a short letter. "I've dated am dating, I miss you" And some other things... said I'm not expecting or trying to convince... just following my heart. Out of respect I told her I was going to send her this and missed her. "I'm not sure what to say." but didn't object. The only thing I got back was who was our mutual friend that gave me the advice... told her I had tried the right way get her engaged in things again at one point but I soon accepted she's with someone else. Never been single more than 2 months since 15(she's 27). She thinks things should be easier, we all. I've been tryin to let go... I don't understand why she wouldn't help with that after messin with my head like she did. Put me down or save me, don't let me die a slow death.

Updates:
FYI i was torn between a career opp i had worked years for and going with her. Didn't know what to do and she was unhappy in my city. Once bymyself with time to think I realized very quickly I wanted to go be with her. I didn't blink and he was there

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  • Closure is unneeded in this case, nor is required for you to effectively move on. You have feelings for her and find it difficult to move on. So, of course, you are in search of answers from her, to understand the psychology behind her decision to be with him, in the hopes of changing it.

    In my view, closure is essentially for those who refuse to accept their loss. Seriously, there is very little she can say to you to justify what she has done to you or to alleviate your feelings over losing her. I'm assuming she is aware of this, and, as result, chose to avoid potentially hurting you further by addressing your letter to her.

    Move on, my friend. You do not need her to do so.

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  • Kinda same situation bro, broken up at the moment but hear from family she still not done, meanwhile I'm treated like shit when we're together but second I'm reeled out too far, back she comes like a storm.

    Bottom line man look at all you've offered her and gotten nothing back in return realize that she's damaged and not you (although maybe you and I are both psychologically screwed that we let people do that too us)

    Be happy you loved and cared enough and that you tried your best. But more over think of this as one less problem. Get out with buddies, lift, get on some dating sites (trust me they work lol), and just get back to living life.

    In my opinion if she's yo-yoing you that bad you owe it to yourself to move on. Even where I am I wouldn't get strung out over a long enough time to be in your shoes (thankfully the qualities that make my ex angry and terrible at communicating, don't allow her to be happy and flirty long enough to trick me over months like one or two of my ex's have).

    Live life and if you are going to keep at it, use her as a backup and keep your distance (easier said than done)

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    • Yup. I've concluded she's a serial monogamist. She used me unintentionally to not feel alone. I allowed it. She took easy street with a clingy first love type boyfriend because he's there.

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