Break up... Was he too needy or was I too cold? But not sure of the lesson in it? I'm so confused and not sure what to do?

So I met this guy through mutual friends 2 years ago. We hooked up after 2 dates (I didn't think anything serious would come out of it, so I didn't mind hooking up).. After that, we unexpectedly ended up inseparable for the next 2 years. He was very sweet and I loved how romantic he was. (He was kinda forceful though when we first had sex.. it was weird). Now here's why I didn't see a future before we hooked up: I'm more of a loner, over the club/bar scene. He loves it. He's been known to do cocaine, drink, surround himself w/ people when he's sad. I never liked people like that. But I loved us apart from that. We had a lot of fun hanging out, concerts, being lazy, ect. About a year in, we started having probs due to a power struggle. He always felt that I wore the pants, and resented me for it. He always made remarks about how I could do better than him. To offset this, I did everything for him, cooked cleaned for him if I was at his place, treated him like a prince. Even though I can be hard headed, I tried to let go of my ego a lot to make him feel better I guess. I think I did this I wanted to show him I loved him in case he doubted it. But it came to a point that if I didn't feel like making him food, or getting up to do something for him, he would get mad at me and I would get offended - which would start a fight. If we argued, he would break up with me and wait for me to beg him back. He would always say "I need to work on myself and I'll never make you happy". He was also very insecure about his job and unhappy with it. I hated that he always viewed his probs as the end of the world. If he told me he hates his life, I would try to figure out ways for him to take steps in improvement. He would get mad and say I'm attacking him. The other day we got into a fight because I wouldn't make him food? Lol it escalated. He broke up w/me again. Its been 2 weeks. He invited me to a concert last night but I said no. He's supposedly still set on the breakup, so why?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the fact of you maybe accepting his flaws started to be his crutch on you. Thus when trying to accommodate it and then try helping him it was something he isn't used to when you were being more like a servant I guess. Even when that doesn't seem like who you are. If you never liked people like that, what was the main reason that you stayed in this relationship? I could guess but that wouldn't get us to a reasonable answer to help you out, so out with it? If you had already set the roles of the relationship and he wasn't into it I think you should of left especially if he's doing nose candy, that's money that could be put into the relationship maybe a since dinner for two, or not perhaps just a dinner at home? This guy just sounds sooo unready for a relationship. I think it's best to simply cut this guy out because the relationship has already become one sided and not the give and take flow it;s supposed to be.

    • Ok. I wasn't happy with myself when I met him. I think in a sick way, I thought someone like him (he was clingy in the beginning) would distract me from it. He was just as insecure as I was, but in a different way. I was lonely because I don't get out much.. and it was nice to have a partner to do stuff with now. But in the process I really fell in love with him. But in the back of my head I would always think to myself "I deserve better.. someone more mature." In the beginning, he stopped drinking/drugs I guess I replaced it. But now he's stressed out over money/his job and he said I wasn't helping his depression. I'm more of the "I know you're sad but, it'll all work out"... He hates when I say stuff like that... he's more of the "I hate my job, my life is crashing down on me. Let me call everyone in the phone book to complain"... I've tried to coax him into therapy but he never listens, or he says he can't afford it. Just adding more to the story

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    • @Asker if you realize it now then if you continue the path you are on then you're just living a lie and only hurting yourself. I won't say you were desperate because when all this started you were in a different mindset and he helped fill that little spot in your head that might be saying that you want a r/s, everyone wants to be comforted now and then and you found someone who did that. NOW however that time and moment has passed, you KNOW you need more, you DESERVE better. Break up and ascend from this despot hellhole that he's dragged you down to. If you don't speak up you'll never be heard and somewhere deep down inside I know you've been trynna get out but its hard sometimes when your trynna cut out from long and hard enduring r/s. Don't give up though.

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