I need a real man opinion on this. Is it over for real? Is there anything I can do?

I dated my neighbor for 7 months. He and his sisters are exactly the same age as my sisters and I. I met him online and we fell very much in love. It was weird we had never met before. We have both lived next to eachother for years. We went on family vacations together and we spoke about what kind of weddings we wanted. He called me Mrs. (His last name). We were pretty much living together and I helped take care of his youngest sister. He told me I was wife material and the best girlfriend he had ever had. He didn't have a good job and was struggling financially and didn't like his current living situation, but he wouldn't do anything about it. I was almost done with college and he hadn't started. We are both 25. When I graduated school he stopped making time to spend with just me. He always had his friend over and diss included me from plans. Started being a jerk to me and mocking me for needing to just have alone time with him. He thought us sitting on his couch with his laptop was enough. we had been arguing about it for two weeks. I had already started my new job and on the night I got my certificate he went to a concert with his buddy and three other girls and told me he didn't want me to go. I broke up with him and told him I was done because he treated me like shit. He texted me the next night trying to tell me he couldn't do this anymore that our arguing so much became unhealthy. The next day I tried to text him that I wanted to work it out and he told me "not to make it harder then it already was." I haven't heard from him since. It's been almost one month. I have seen him twice since then because our sisters are best friends and he just ignores me. He always felt bad that he couldn't treat me like I deserved because his lack of good income. Do you think he will come back eventually? Do you think he felt shitty about himself because he wasn't going anywhere in life at this time? We were best friends and I'm still so in love. Any hope he will come back?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • No. No hope he will come back. He actually moved on from you a long time ago. Before you two even broke up.

    His 'don't make this harder than it already is' does not refer to him being emotionally twisted up inside about it. It means that he knows YOU are not over the relationship yet, and you are trying to 'fix' a problem that is not fixable. And doing that is just going to make you r life harder and harder.

    This was not about him feeling shitty about his postion in life. This is about the NRE wearing off, plain and simple. The new relationship energy at the start of a relationship feels awesome, feels like live, makes the future seem rosy, makes it seem like you want to be with the person forever and ever... it's all chemically induced by the brain. "Real" love takes years to build. NRE exists to give 'strangers' time together to actually build that love. But sometimes (most times) it doesn't. And the two partners have that NRE end at different times. Sometimes it only lasts a few months. Sometimes it can last a couple of years.

    His ended early. Yours didn't. As soon as it went from 'wife material' to 'always had his friend over'... that's when that brain high wore off. When it wore off, there wasn't enough 'real' emotional connection left underneath, and he was just letting the relationship continue because there wasn't really any reason to end it per so. He wasn't in love with you, but whatever, if you didn't get in the way it's not like you were terrible. Once that cut was made though, he was 100% a-ok with it, because it's what he wanted anyways. His actions since completely confirm that. He was just trying to spare your feelings a bit. That's all.

    He is done with this relationship, 100%.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not a guy, but it looks like you answered your own question. Men don't feel like men if they can't take care of a woman financially. It's possible he thinks you've become too good for him. When he told you "don't make this harder than it has to be" means he's heartbroken because he's decided to give you up so you can move forward. He may feel he's going to hold you back from a better life. He feels unworthy of you. Men don't understand that when we love them, we are willing to face anything to be by their side (except cheating, lies, and abuse)

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    • "Men don't feel like men if they can't take care of a woman financially." - that should be 'insecure men dont..'

    • Well true but sounds like maybe he is insecure, hun

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What Guys Said 4

  • In my view, he is no longer in love with you which explains his behavior. he will not come back, so the sooner you accept it, the better. Just move on even if it is hard..

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  • I think the guys would give the same idea which is ditching

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  • Honestly I know how he feels I had a girl like you once bright future. big plans. All the while I worked hard, making not all that much money putting my own future on hold so that I could take care and help provide for my family who is financially struggling. That never bothered her though she left because her education and future were more important. I never got over the fact that I couldn't provide for her then or in the future if I ever proposed. So I let her go so now I work tiresly to still help provide for my family and secured own future so that the next girl I fall for will be the one I can provide for. I guess try to talk to him let him know you don't blame him for his situation and let him know you still love and care for him and want to make it work. And that you'll help him get to a better place together.

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  • If I were you I would toss him and the idea of him to the curb and wouldn't look back.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I had a similar situation... It turned out he got back with his ex. Are you sure that a third person isn't involved?

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