Do you think women just stop caring for their guys once they become a mother?

Do you think women just stop caring for their guys once they become a mother?
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Conversely, do guys just forget the women in their lives after screwing them and making them pregnant (specially if unmarried and with 'options')?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No I don't think so.
    When a woman has a baby her maternal instinct kicks in. In the same way if you left a child with the dad, he knows that has to feed it, wash it, change it, etc. It's just more natural for the mother to take that role.

    I wouldn't say they stop caring. After all the man helped to make their baby, but for both parents their time are consumed elsewhere. A lot of women I know who have children (I don't) say that they still go on date nights, they get a babysitter. They cuddle on the sofa together as a family, at night when everyone's settled they are still romantic with each other. It's just that your time is focused in other places (baby, work, housework, medical appointments, etc) that generally speaking, night time is the bonding time.

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    • How old are these women you're referring to? How long have they been in a relationship or married?

    • My age and up - early twenties, some as late as 40s. I mean do you want individuals names and dates? It really is a range - some of them have been together a couple of years, the biggest relationship length I can think of is about 18 years.

Most Helpful Guy

  • A woman isn't an automaton. She doesn't just "Stop caring" for the man she has pledged her life to.

    But a man can become complacent in his relationship with her, and stop showing her the tender mercies she desperately needs from him.

    Basically, it goes like this: If, as the man, you get complacent and comfortable and stop showing her the love you showed her when you were dating, she will grow away from you, and yes, it will be quite easy for her to shower her needed affections on her child.

    If you do your due diligence, (And dare I say, if you truly ever did love her in the first place, like you should love the woman you are going to live the rest of your life with) and you show her how much you love her, not once a year on your anniversary but appreciate everything she does for you, who she IS as a person, and the little things you love about her- and do it often FROM YOUR HEART, in true warmth of loving spirit for your mate, then there is no possibility she will just suddenly begin ignoring you over the infant.

    It's not in her to do so, it is her loving essence to return true affection that you give her from the gratitude of your heart, that she is in your life.

    Men make a grave error in forgetting this.

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    • I 99% agree. Men should absolutely do those things.
      The 1% is because I've spoken to mothers who had a great relationship with her husband and they told me, after a long day of the baby touching her and pulling for her. When dad got home, she didn't want to be touched. I personally feel that was just an excuse, but I'm curious how much validity there is to it.

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    • @kheserthorpe
      "Families have become child focused to a degree that is I think destroying marriages and ironically hurting children."

      Somebody say, "Amen!" Alas this is all too true.

    • Let me tell you guys something, and listen carefully.

      Feminists are demanding what men should be giving women in the first place: Respect and admiration.

      If you're not giving your wife that, then you WILL reap the reward: A cold bed and empty heart.

      Period.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I think a lot of the attention is diverted towards their newborns, but they don't stop caring about their boyfriends/husbands.

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    • Like what ratio of the attention goes were? Before the kids it can be like 90% to partner.

  • No. I don't believe that, unless neither of them are really committed in the relationship or the woman has PTSD.

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  • No, but they stop being first priority, as they should.

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    • "as they should."
      I used to think this myself until recently. Now I'm not so sure. For the record, I am not a father (though God knows I wanted to be one) and I've never dated a mother. There is, I think, value in NOT putting children as first priority.

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    • @bluemax THAT I think is shitty. I just think in general it's more difficult for men when a child is born. Because up until that point they (should be) are the center of their wife's universe. When a baby gets thrown in the mix that goes out the window a bit especially in the early years.

    • @bluemax and to add to that, while many fathers also dote on their children I think mothers in general do more so.

  • Well no, but she is going to put a lot of emphasis into the baby

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  • I think I've heard this question before... hmm

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    • It wasn't me asking it... but a lot of husbands whom I've spoken to are quick to agree. Hmm...

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    • Oh yea. I never assume that's the reason. That they do it on purpose. It's just the outcome and the dad has every reason to feel the way he does.

    • Yeah, I can see that

  • the relation between me and my child and me and my husband is totally different i gave birth before like 3 month and well i won't lie i used to take care of my husband more before the baby came. ofcourse not in my heart just in my actions well now we have a bay it needs more attention than him it needs more love and care to survive but i try to organize my time between them plus it is a baby it sleep like 23 and a half hours so i can actually take care of him , and he started getting closer to me and the baby after i gave birth and he didn't forget me so yes it only need some more time to get used to have a third tiny member :D

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  • No, if you feel that way about your partner, you definitely need a chat. Things do change drastically after a baby though, so could just be that.

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    • Most men I know feel that way.

    • That's quite sad. I do hear many women complaining of the same thing though, many do feel unloved and unwanted by their partner after a baby.
      I guess it's the same old not communicating enough.

What Guys Said 8

  • No, I don't think it's that they stop caring for their guy. However, there are only twenty four hours in a day and time must be divided.

    I had heard about a study wherein when people have children, they tend to stop thinking of a spouse as a spouse and tend to think more of them as a sibling when children arrive. There are also issues of not feeling as comfortable about their bodies, feeling tired (quite understandably), and other things.

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  • I think mothers have such a surge of love and care for their babies, that they pretty much forget their husband to a certain extent. They still love him, but the husband is on the back burner in their mind. It sucks

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    • And only if that was the guys intent. A hit and run

  • What guys? Friends, husbands, boyfriends, brothers?

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  • No, but it depends on how strong your relationship to your wife/baby momma is.

    I see no reason that your relationship shouldn't strengthen and be more passionate if you're both raising a child together. Sure, it will definitely change (less frequency of sex, spontaneity, divert funds to other things, etc.), but at the same time the amounts of love you pour into said child/children should also be reciprocated onto each other.

    After all, y'all are kind of like little gods now... YOU MADE THAT KID

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  • All of my close male friends who have had children say this is what happens, they say it feels like the man becomes nothing more then a tool for them to extract resources from for their new baby, like their wife loving them was all a deception.

    10 years later, they all got married about the same time, 1 couple has rekindled their relationship and is very happy, 2 couples are struggling and feel like they have grown apart, 3 couples are having constant arguments and not connecting well at all.

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    • And what are the men doing? Are they truly loving their women? Are the tender mercies there, are they making an effort, that stems from the depths of their loving hearts, to continue to woo and love their women? Likely, they are doing things like they are used to: living their lives and then coming home and hoping wifey is in a good mood.

      Too many men think all they need to do is go to work and bring home the bacon. Hope the wife doesn't resist them when they want sex. It's not a loving relationship, it's a guy doing his own thing and treating his wife like she should be the submissive mate, without doing HIS part.

      Wake up. It takes more than just bringing home money to make your wife love you. It takes effort, sweat, struggle and sacrifice! Ignore that advice and wonder why she is so cold to you.

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    • The Rekindled relationship she came to him one day and apologised that their relationship was suffering so badly because she had been taking him for granted since they had kids years ago, it's been a couple years now and they are going strong.

      The 2 struggling couples are going to counselling with mixed results, 1 of the couples the guy had a brain injury so they are trying to heal from that (hes mostly ish ok). The other struggling couple the wife is having a very hard time letting him in (as I was told by him) because she can't separate her relationship with her father from her relationship with her husband (her father was very absent in her life)

      The 3 couple who constantly argue, 2 of them are just a total mess and 1 of them the guy is doing absolutely every single thing he can or she asks him to do but it's never enough.

    • Just because some couples struggle due to lack of the man putting in effort does not mean that is the recipe for all or even most couples.

  • She doesn't stop caring for her guy, because she never cared to begin with.

    Women don't "love," that requires giving, and they are takers. So fuck 'em and dump 'em. If they get pregnant, they can deal with it. She would only marry you for your shit anyway, so don't give her that.

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  • It seems like they like the kid way more than the husband.

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  • No, but having a baby is such a life changer and it takes so much time, energy, patience in the beginning, it's a HUGE adjustment. On top of that, pregnancy and childbirth can be both emotionally and physically draining and some women suffer some forms of depression and have other issues which would be hard to deal with on their on, but can be over-bearing when dealing with them while going through all the hormonal changes and having to take care of a helpless baby at the same time. So it's crucial for fathers to be supportive, helpful and understanding at this first stage of parenthood.
    Later on, couple should make sure they spend one-on-one romantic time, to not be just parents to their kids but lovers to each other as well. Keeping the spark alive and all that.

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