Help me understand and maybe try to get her back?

My girlfriend kicked me to the curb at least to my knowledge because I was nice. Like doing nice gestures, such as open my car door for her, kiss her hand when I am holding it on occasion, etc. We would text everyday, on occasion I would send her pics of things she likes and stuff. She also told me that she had bad luck with her ex ( being months since they broke up) He never did any of the things I did from what she told me. Never was even given gifts or flowers except maybe once. I gave her only one bouquet of roses in the short time I have been with her. She claims it is not what she wants when she told me when we first started dating and I asked her what she was looking for in a guy. She said she wanted a romantic guy that would be her best friend. Everything was going great met her friends and she met mine, both sets of friends approved of each other. But she pulled the trigger a few days before I was supposed to meet her mom.


Most Helpful Girl

  • There are a couple of reasons she did this:

    When I did this it was because I wasn't really over my ex. I know you don't mention a lot about that, but it could be a reason. Sometimes the nice guys do finish last. The thing was, you showed her that there are guys who cared and who acted decent and loving and this probably helped her even if it has been months since they broke up she could still have feelings for the guy.

    There's also that whole "spark" thing. Girls insist on a "spark" needing to be there and sometimes with a guy that is perfect (funny, smart, cute, caring ect...) if the so called spark is missing then we spend more time thinking about the lack of a spark than we do about the actual guy and then it just gets worse.

    You guys didn't fight so I won't even mention that.

    If you want her back the easiest way is to be unavailable- fake indifference (its worth it!). Its easiest if she agreed to stay friends in which case you can ask her after a week or two if she would like to go to the movies or coffee"as friends". Act like a friend on these occasions, don't linger on the hug or try to hold her hand. Do not tell her you miss her or talk about the break up. In fact talk about anything except the relationship and act completely casual as if this was a normal meal with a friend you had no feelings for. Back off for a couple of days and do it again. This time though tell her she looks pretty offhandedly and continue as if nothing happened- don't give time for it to get awkward just launch into another story. If she texts you respond, but always be the one to say goodbye first. The trick here is to remain unavailable.


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  • I did, I gave, I was this... I was that to her is implicitly and directly stated throughout your post. Yet, you failed to mention one gesture she did in kind. Resultantly, one can reasonably assume your ex gave significantly less than she received in the relationship.

    If so, your considerate gestures may have been the undoing of the relationship with her. As she may have assumed you were doing such things in an effort to gain her approval, which, unfortunately, may have interpreted as insecure and needy.

    Or, perhaps she be appreciative of your efforts, extremely, but simply came to the realization she was unready to be in a relationship. Or, she may feel you two are not suitable fits for each other to move forward together. There could be many possibilities for her decision.

    Did she explain her decision to end things with you? How long was she removed from the relationship with her ex before she dated you?

    • at least 9 months. All she told me when she ended it was I need to think of what I want telling me I'm a great guy I treat her well. Then a few days later she says this isn't what she wants. I understand that I could have come across that way. But I have done that sort of think. She did enjoy it when did that stuff she told me she had to get use to it.

    • Odds are, my friend, she is not close to being over her ex and the resultant issues her relationship with him caused her. Consequently, if that's the case, she may be unready for coupledom, with you, or with anyone. I say this due to the fact that she confided in you about her time with him and how she was treated. That's a sign that she has unresolved issues, or baggage if you will. Which may include confidence and self worth issues.

      My advice is, give her ample time to resolve her issues before you decide to revisit being with her or act. If she is not ready, she is not ready. Therefor, pursuing her, at this point and time, will likely prove to be an absurd and avoidable exercise in futility.

      In any event, I sugges

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