Don't know what to do with him?

Me and my new boyfriend broke up after one month, he said he was scared of commitment and risks, after he broke up with his ex one year ago. They were five years together, and he broke up with her cause he didn't feel the love anymore, but he was still heartbroken and devastated. He said I was the only girl who made him think again of having another relationship but he's so confused and can't make a desicion, so he wanted me to make it, so for his sake I said we should break up and now I really miss him and I just wanted to do what I thought was best for him, and now I feel aweful. Do you think he was just making excuses so I would break up with him and he won't feel guilty or he's really that heartbroken and scared? I don't know what to do right now, I could have been really great between us.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Did he talk to you about this in person? Because if so, what kind of emotion was he giving off which would be a give away to if he was making excuses. And shy guys would usually be ones to be scared, so if he is really an out there guy, I highly doubt this is true. Otherwise I'd believe what he is saying, and don't push, but gradually go back in. If it could have been really great between you, then it should shine once he is his feelings are in shape.

    • Thing is he really is a shy guy. He had only one girlfriend in his whole life for 5 years, and he's 22 now. and he's a good looking guy, he can get so many girls, and he's just not like that. You can really feel a good vibe from just talking to him, he's a good person. That's what makes me so upset, thinking I might not meet another guy like him.

    • Then I highly doubt he'd be making excuses. He just isn't ready. Shy guys are like that, all shy people are generally like this. Especially after coming out of a long relationship, it takes a long time. As long as that you didn't make him feel bad, then you should be fine with time.

Most Helpful Girl

  • They were together for Five long years and with a bad break up, I feel he is telling you the Tough luck truth of Not wanting to jump right back into the fire so fast with being hooked at the hip. I also feel that being he said what he said to you, he was this Honest John in telling you 'The only girl who made him think again of having another relationship but he's so confused...'
    You both really needed to take this slow with the flow, go easy and begin your beguine by nursing and nurturing your Friendship First. You knew what you were up against with a heart broken man and this should have been handled with kid gloves.
    Breaking it off really wasn't the answer unless you expected Rome to be built in a day with a rolling romance. Life is no guarantee of course, for who really knows what would have become of your saga but starting off in a Friendship was the Best place to have started with no strings attached...
    No, not 'Making excuses' but I think you may have found a few of your own by wanting something faster than he could provide for you. Maybe you could give him a call and ask how he is? No harm in being friendly, he has done nothing wrong and yes, definitely he is 'Heartbroken and scared' and Now---Is perhaps a bit sad in losing out again another battle so fast.
    Good luck. xx

    • I wanst pushing him that's the thing, first I told him that I'll be okay with every desicion he makes, and he even told me that I was great and I gave him all the time in the world, I wasn't pushing or forcing him into something. when we had that conversation he wanted me to make a desicion to stay together or to breakup, I told him he knows what's best for him and he should make a desicion and he just didn't want to. He said he was confused and he doesn't know if he's willing to take the risk of getting heartbroken again and that condition can hurt me too, and that's another thing he wants to avoid. So obviously I told him we should break up because I wanted the best for him.

    • Yes, scared, I understand so maybe friendship is the best start here as I say... give him a call if you yourself want to just be friends or just leave it as it is for now he is confused and may be even more so as time goes on because the heart and head gets crazy at times..:)) xx

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • He was devastated and heartbroken over breaking up with someone who he didn't love anymore?
    Yeah... uh... sure... This guy sounds like really bad news. I believe he was just making excuses and yes, he's covering things up. If you love someone or have strong feelings for someone then it makes no sense why you'd go up to them and say you are confused. When you're in love the idea of breaking up with that person is unbearable. The fact that he was willing to let go tells me his heart isn't in it. You can't be heartbroken when you left someone willingly due to you not loving them. That makes no sense on no level. Unless she cheated on him or something it will make sense but his logic is flawed and I can see through BS lies easily.

    You should move on and find a guy who isn't confused about whether he likes you or not. You deserve someone who can look at you and 100% know if they want you or not.

    • When you go through high school and your first career with someone, when you're used to kiss him goodnight everyday, when you sleep with him, when you lose your verginity to him and you life this routine for five years, I think it would be weird if he wasn't devastated. Even if he broke up with her, it doesn't mean he didn't entirely stopped loving her, the love just faded and that happens and that's nobody's fault. And the thing is I think exactly like you, if someone wants something so bad he would never give it up, but that's exactly it, only one month passed, that's no enough to fall madly in love, and that's why we broke up, so it wouldn't be too late and too hard to let go. It was pretty fresh, one month is just not enough.

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