He raised another mans son but left when he found out he was having his own?

Okay, I was with my man since highschool. We got together our senior year when I was pregnant. He said that a baby didn't change anything and that he loved me. He was with me throughout the entire pregnancy and even cut my sons umbilical cord. My son even knows him as daddy. We had an amazing relationship. Of course we had our fair share of ups and downs, who doesn't? He was seriously my bestfriend. 3 years later, I'm now pregnant with his first, it was unplanned. He was shocked but eventually got excited. We started looking at houses and planning. In the beginning of my second trimester, we had the smallest fight and he left. His drinking got sooo terribly bad after the break up. We rarely talk. He randomly called me one night and we talked for 3 hours. It was nice. Like I had my bestfriend back. He told me he missed me and my son and that it was really hard for him sometimes. But yet, I haven't really talked to him since. What is going on with him? I'm so confused! It kills me because he was everything to me and now it's all gone. I have no idea wether to move on or let go. It's so hard. The thought of him not talking to me because maybe he's falling for someone else kills me. So many scenarios get made up in my head now and it drives me crazy.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In some ways it is less stressful to raise another persons kid. It may sound cruel or selfish, but you just aren't as emotionally invested as you are with your own kid. If something bad happens to the step child you would be concerned, but it isn't the same as if it is your own kid.

    It sounds like now that he has his own kid on the way, he is freaking out, and not handling his emotions well. Maybe you could convince him to go to some sort of couples counseling with you. I don't think he is going to get better on his own. It doesn't sound like he is strong enough to handle the stress of having a child, buying a new house, and all the other problems life throws at him on his own. If you want to hold your family together you are going to need to help him overcome his issues. That means getting him to a point that he is willing to work on his issues.

    You may also need some help communicating with him. I don't know if communication is partially to blame, but it could be. Men and women don't process everything the same. You could unknowingly be saying things to hurt his feelings without even realizing it. When you offer a helpful comment, he might hear it as you not believing in him. Right now that that may not be something he can deal with.

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    • He won't talk to me. I guess, I don't really know how to talk to him and I say the wrong things. What do I say? How do I talk to him? I want us to work things out so badly but, I have no idea how to and I don't wanna look stupid either..

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    • I think the fact you are trying not to let him know it is killing you, is sending the message that you don't care that he is gone. He may have said "well, there's a possibility" in order to see if that was an idea that interested you, or to at least plant the idea in your head. This entire fight may be nothing more than bad communication. You need to eliminate that possibility before continuing forward.

      He might already know that you want him back, but you need to make sure that you tell him that directly. Once that has been eliminated as a possible problem you can move on to whatever the next issue might be. It sounds like to me communication is playing a role in the destruction of your relationship.

    • When you got pregnant your hormones could have changed your behavior in small ways that he is confusing as you no longer loving him. For example if your sex drive were to decline, that alone could make him think you don't see him in the same way anymore. Again this would be an example of bad communication. You just aren't in the mood because you are sick or whatever, and he takes it as you not being able to stand the thought of him touching you.

      I am not saying that this is what happened, but it could be that something about your pregnancy, has changed the way you interact with him without your realizing it. That may have caused some miscommunication to occur.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like he's battling with alcohol, and maybe he's trying to stay away while he kicks the stuff. I don't know if it's another woman, but if it was, then you don't want a man that will leave his family behind anyway. Now that you're Preggo with his kid, let's hope he gets it together and comes around.

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    • His he didn't have a drinking problem til we broke up & I do hope that he overcomes that. I don't know if there's someone else, Im just so paranoid now I guess. I just wish I knew what was going on with him:/

    • I'm sorry you're going through this girl :-/ but know this, if he were to leave, this woman wouldn't be getting someone spectacular. There's nothing sexy about a guy who would leave his family and pregnant gf behind. Honestly, you can do without a man like that, IF that's the case. Let's hope it's not :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • I think he is scared. Tell him that you and the baby need him and you will give him time to get his head together.

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  • So he's gay?

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    • Yup you again. How lovely of you and what a service you are doing here.

    • What the hell are you talking about?

What Girls Said 1

  • basically shit got real for him and he found an excuse to bail, when it was someone elses kid he never had a permanent bond holding him to you and the kid so he could leave any time he wanted to without knowing he ditched his son/daughter. now that he's lost that and he has permanent responsibility he's don a runner to make it feel like its not happening and you are left alone to bring up his child.

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