Most Helpful Guy
In some ways it is less stressful to raise another persons kid. It may sound cruel or selfish, but you just aren't as emotionally invested as you are with your own kid. If something bad happens to the step child you would be concerned, but it isn't the same as if it is your own kid.
It sounds like now that he has his own kid on the way, he is freaking out, and not handling his emotions well. Maybe you could convince him to go to some sort of couples counseling with you. I don't think he is going to get better on his own. It doesn't sound like he is strong enough to handle the stress of having a child, buying a new house, and all the other problems life throws at him on his own. If you want to hold your family together you are going to need to help him overcome his issues. That means getting him to a point that he is willing to work on his issues.
You may also need some help communicating with him. I don't know if communication is partially to blame, but it could be. Men and women don't process everything the same. You could unknowingly be saying things to hurt his feelings without even realizing it. When you offer a helpful comment, he might hear it as you not believing in him. Right now that that may not be something he can deal with.
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Most Helpful Girl
It sounds like he's battling with alcohol, and maybe he's trying to stay away while he kicks the stuff. I don't know if it's another woman, but if it was, then you don't want a man that will leave his family behind anyway. Now that you're Preggo with his kid, let's hope he gets it together and comes around.