Why is my ex being like this?

My ex and I broke up about a month ago, it was kind of a mutual break up, we decided to break up because we were both going different directions and we both have different religious beliefs and knew ultimately it wouldn't work out in the long run. However, we agreed to stay friends, and I figured it's been a month so it's safe for us to catch up over lunch or catch a movie. But he keeps avoiding trying to hang out with me, but he will text me and ask where I am, who I am with and if I've gone on a date with anyone or slept with anyone since him. He also tells me he's not seeing anyone and that he's not going to date for awhile. It's weird, because I'm confused as to why he would care to know my business but refuse to hang out with me, when I asked him why he didn't wanna grab a quick lunch, he replied with "I'm not ready yet, I'm sorry" What does that even mean? I'm taking it that he's not over me? but at the same time he's pushing me away... he says he sincerely wants the best for me and thinks that hanging out would not be smart... please interpret... thanks in advance


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What Guys Said 2

  • He wants to have his cake and eat it too. His cake comes with three toppings.

    1. Topping 1--Your continued interest in him, even as an ex from a distance. You're still keeping an interest in him, regardless of what kind of interest it is. Meaning, while he's 'not dating, not sleeping with anyone, etc.', he's indirectly letting you know he's still interested in you by pure virtue of asking the questions. Look how it's gotten you to ponder out loud. You may even ask him and he may even open up to you, talk nice, etc. And maybe, just maybe, y'all can be friends with benefits or get back together. I'm not suggesting you do this but I'm suggesting this is part of his deal.

    2. Topping 2--He stays in control. He can take the next step depending on what steps you're taking. Meaning, if you were to tell him you were seeing someone, he could play it cool and state that he's met someone as well. Regardless, he's playing the concerned ex- and he's hoping you will find that flattering and eventually share with him outside of wanting to go to lunch as friends. However, if you don't take that step, it's nothing on him because he never asked.

    I've had several clients on both sides of this coin in my years as a relationship coach. Men have the superman complex and never want to truly lose. Meanwhile, it's very common for women to maintain a general concern for an ex-even if it's pure. For you, being the frog you are, eventually it will drive you crazy to understand where he is in his head and he knows that.

    • =) thanks, I appreciate your insight, I guess my question now, would be, what do you think I should do? I am okay with moving forward and cutting him out of my life, but also open to getting back together, IFFFF we took it slow or IFFF we somehow started going the same direction... You're suggestions are appreciated, thank you =)

  • It's very difficult to be friends with an ex. Feelings, memories and emotions get mixed up and it gets complicated.


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