Did I overreact or do the right thing?

My bf told me he was smoking in his room with some chick from work. I told him, I would never have a guy in my room out of respect for you and I would like for you to do the same. He said "Im allowed to have female friends and I may not smoke with them all the time but it will happen." I never said he could not have them all I wanted was for him to not do something that made me feel uncomfortable.

We argued about how I FEEL he never has time for me. He said "Its your fault. If you want to hangout with me then say something" Im like your my bf how could you not want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. He said "Not everything is about you or how it makes you feel" I felt I was voicing how I felt and nothing got done. I told him Im not happy (cause we kept fighting) he said "I dont know what to say to comfort you" I just cried. I wanted a hug.

Things got worse as the days went on. I said "We should break up, I dont trust you" He said " I didn't know you didn't trust me enough to hangout with my friends"The next day we talk. I say "I love you and no I didn't break up with you" He said "But you wanted to" 3 days later we broke up.

He wanted to still be friends. I went along. 2 weeks later. I said, "I love you and we should work it out" He said, "I don’t think it’s a good idea". I left it at that. He texted me 5 days later "Hey beautiful"

After that I told him we should no longer be friends. He disagrees at first saying "Your sweeping me under the rug?" But it’s not about him. How can we move on if were still talking to each other? He finally agreed.
Updates:
10 days later he texts me. Asking me about school and work. Then he asked me to hangout. I was against it at first until he told me he would give me my stuff back. So I said yea. Then after a while he starts flirting and sends a pic of his penis. We agreed for him to return my stuff the next day. He never did. The DAY AFTER he texts me “ I forgot to tell you I could not make it”

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems like you reacted appropriately. I totally understand why you'd break up with him, cause it sounds like he was looking to live by much different standards than you were, and had much lower expectations for commitment in the relationship than you.

    Breakups are inevitably messy sometimes, but you seem to have handled it better than many might have, despite how messy its been. I think you're entirely right that you can't remain friends now, for the reasons you mentioned, and because even if you weren't concerned about having a hard time moving on and getting other men to be comfortable investing their time in you, your ex seems to be acting very inappropriately for someone who is agreeing to just be friends. Forgiving him in your heart is ok, but forgiving him does not mean you can necessarily go back to being friends like nothing happened, and he doesn't even sound like he's treating you as an ordinary friend should either, unless he sends penis pics to all of his male and female friends (I imagine he wouldn't have many friends.)

    So, yes. I'd say you did the right thing and it seems like you've been handling it as well as possible. If you can find a way to get your stuff back then that would be good, but keep being cautious, cause this guy definitely still has an agenda, and you're right for trying to keep distance from him.

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    • After breaking up he apologize for having the girl in his room. He said " I realize that having a girl in my room was a bad idea and that if a guy was in your room he would be there because he's trying to have sex with you. If a girl is in a guys room he can put a stop to it unless she's trying to give him oral there's no stoping that" I said whatever, its done. He also apologize for saying that it was my fault for having to ask him to hanout. Saying "I never meant it that way" But you know sometimes an apology is a little too late when I talked to him about it multiple times.

    • Yeah. Breaking up can be a lot of work, so I wouldn't undo it all and get back together unless you were extremely confident there were some new factors giving you a high-chance of success the next time. It sounds like that isn't the case, so you should probably forgive him in your heart, but not go back to seeing him.

    • I agree. The way he's treating me now we can't even be friends.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't think you overreacted. You simply told him you were uncomfortable with that situation and he wasn't really respecting your wishes. Relationships have to have some compromise right?

    I hope this helped!

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  • sounds like you dodged a bullet.
    My advice is to let him go. If he dosent care to text you i can't make it then he's obviously a bad boyfriend. Also sounds like he only texted you and sent that pic bc he was horney and you were his "bootycall". Best of luck! ps. i hope he proves me wrong

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  • I think you were right.
    And all that indecision on his part is a bad sign..

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  • Your ex was a moron for having girls around like that. You did the right thing.

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  • This guy is playing with you. Cut him off and block communication with him.

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