I texted my ex on her birthday. Was it wrong of me to go silent when she said "I miss you"?

I texted her on Thanksgiving, which was also her birthday and we had a nice exchange of pleasantries. Then, when I tried to leave the conversation she texted: "I don't want to make you feel awkward, but I miss you."

I couldn't tell her I missed her as well, even though the truth is I miss her terribly! It would have caused both of us to backslide from moving on from one-another. I also didn't want to reply and imply I didn't miss her, because that would have been a lie, and may have made her feel worse about herself. I ended up giving no response, and I feel terrible about it!

I just want to cause the least pain possible so she can move on with her life and be happy. How much damage did I cause by not replying? Is there anything I can do to make it better, or will contacting her again only make things worse?
So, she texted me this morning, and I tried to respond as nicely as possible, but she's going on and on about how if I like her I should be open about it and tell her all about how I feel, even though I'm fully aware that the more I talk the harder it is for her to get over me.

Now she's asking me to explain why I broke up with her for the 95th time, even though she's repeated it back to me numerous times and explained that she understands.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It probably hurt. It's ok because breaking up hurts. No right or wrong but you have to give her space, contacting her is keeping her hope alive and let's admit it you were checking in on her a bit (just a bit)
    It things are truly done give her and youself space to heal and grow, later you can start to continue a friendship. Much later. Hugs good luck

    • Thank you so much!

      I guess messaging her a couple days later to provide clarity might risk being counter-productive at this point then?

    • Well if you are truly not interested in having a relationship I would say yes, if you now contact her it's just going to send mixed signals and false hope. Plus having some anger (slightest) may help her a little to move on. But I'm guessing based on little information.😕

Most Helpful Guy

  • Seems like you guys broke up & are still able to act normally toward each other.

    You know it's kind of an awkward situation to be in. I've been in similar ones.

    Maybe you could literally reword what you just told us & tell her the same thing. Just tell her what you told us & how you weren't sure how to respond tho you did miss her.

    If you are worried you might complicate things you could just not say anything but I would personally just explain to her what happened & why you did what you did.

    • Well... I wouldn't say we can act that normally towards each other. She got extremely attached to me even though we date for less than a month, and the breakup was especially hard on her, but I'm confident it was inevitable and postponing the breakup would only have caused more pain.

      I knew from the day we broke up that moving on from me would be especially hard for her, so I've tried really hard not to make it any harder than it needs to be. Still, I guess contacting her and trying to clarify might be worth doing. Its only been 2 days, so maybe its not too late.

    • Show All
    • Yes be careful how you word it... I don't know if a phone call is realistic, or if it's better it worse over the phone, but texts can be misinterpreted sometimes.

    • Yeah, you're right. I don't want her to feel like her text was so awkward that it warranted a phone call either though. I probably need to just mull it all over and find a way of condensing it into the best, clearest text possible.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Yeah, I agree with @JandM2014, you may have hurt her feelings by not replying but if you expalin the situation then it'll be ok.

    • Thanks for your response. Do you have any additional advice concerning what I said in my reply to @JandM2014 ?

    • Hmm, I understand your situation a litle bit more now and yes I still think you should reply but definitely keep it short and to the point. Since you're trying to convey that you are no longer interested. And if you do that, she'll be able to get over it faster

  • What was the reason for the breakup?

    • She got too clingy, due to the fact she was heavily dependent on me and I have a very busy work and academic schedule. She had no financial independence, no friends or family to rely on other than me, and she was one argument away from being made homeless by the extended family she had just moved in with from her ex's home. I broke up with her because she was clinging to me more on a daily basis, and I was afraid that in the event I chose to break up with her further down the line it would be an even more destructive and hurtful process.

    • Alright, if you are sure you don't want to be with her, don't encourage it. State firmly that your relationship is over and you do not wish to revisit it. Girls are dense and will look into things, do not crack. Just stay firm.

What Guys Said 1

  • I would have been honest but practical. I would have responded "I miss you too, but we can't be together. I don't want the both of us to backslide from moving on from one-another.:

    • I thought of saying something like that, but I couldn't settle on any exact words that would be short and sweet.

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